Even in November I think I am in control


at least there were stickers (thanks good sir Allen)

Nope – that was the image – ok. – Ok – out of the image – cool.

So, you choose a new command-control system. because it’s … easy? one-click plug-in and tada!! – ‘cept now I’m sure I am not sure what I’m doing.

Ok – let’s see if JetPack + WordPress allow for a more seamless/centralized attack on my word craft / stick it to the man / well at least onto the universal wall that is the web – wish me luck.

Oh – also – 30 years on. the wall came down, hope went up … then something horribly human happened. that kinda sucks, wouldn’t you agree?


:: s :: | vivere militare est |

“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”


on a Tuesday evening, oddly in June

find a place to center yourself

Gutenberg, from which a lot of Truth, a lot of happiness, lies & pain.

what if something different was discovered – mockingbirds that were recorders, butterflies that changed into images with a magic saying. what would our lives be like.


We land on Mars, again

We torment the children of immigrants – once again. I wonder why this is our normal [see “The Dish” for a dramatic version of American aggression and horror versus a defining moment of human civilization].

Again – why this is normal?

Could be that there are those demanding we do one thing while those who’ve guided us to the other are not focused on. If I have only one wish for the holidays, well – not sure what I’d go with but to believe in our scientists would definitely be in the top three.

our moon
Don’t have a pic of Mars so we’ll go with the moon

I hope that my kid can see what the true power of humankind can realize – I hold that hope because to let it go is to invite madness. I need to see that though it’s a ongoing fevered effort there is progress, there is a greater good to strive for. That is something I can work towards sharing with the kid.

As we wrap up this year, as I wonder what it is that I’m trying to do, I hope you and yours find the joy outweighing the struggle.

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc | “Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

a significant occurance – oddly in november

hyper realistic skies over durhamtown – ~november ’18, durhamtown (duh)

an important, crucial, serious occurrence. If there was a plan I’d go so far as to say “a change in plans” – alas,  without said plan sadly, that’s not to be.

It was a bit of a grey day today – rainy, chilly now that fall has arrived. The day lived up to most every expectation unfortunately. At least it wasn’t the nicest day of the year, eh?

a town in flux – ~nov. ’18, central park durhamtown

I hate being elusive in my posts – isn’t that what we use VagueBook for?
I only type tonight because it’s a thearputic outlet. I like having my brain make words that – on occasion – happen to capture my feelings, my thoughts and ponderings. I moment of my life, noted. Say, so you can recall what was occuring 2, 6, 10 years past. Embrace the grimace, acknowledge that if you life long enough every day will be ‘a day’ – just some are much better than others.

Today wasn’t really tough – not really a challenge.
but today marks a significant date, and I hope we will look back years from now and see how far we’ve come. From the baseline of now, to the heights and depths of then. Wish us luck, eh?

fall sunset over durhamtown – nov. ’18


//9:44p+13November2018= Tuesday eve || the sound of the house, keyboard clicking, boy having a little cry, puppy on the couch in sweater (the sound of joy) and my inner howling, hoping to not awake alicia as she slumbers//

I looked for a name…

of human endeavors, of looking to the heavens – durhamtown, Oct ’18

Pittsburgh. Synagogue. Couldn’t recall their level of faith.
Google took me to words written, a description of the life after – ‘retrofitting a hundred-year-old Victorian house in Pittsburgh’s East End’
Google ‘pittsburgh east end‘ – see that it’s a few places in town (wonder if the tree-house apartment, from where a short jaunt to a ceremony in New Hampshire started and ended)  – damn, close to Squirrel Hill. damn.
More googlin’ because … because why? I certainly didn’t want to be associated, aquainted with such pain and horror. Others in my life had strange qualities of ‘being there’ for the worst of our recent-memory atrocities; at the time it was surprising, now I see it as concerning.
As much as I know more of myself now than I did then my sincere hope has always been to be a good person, and as such I ponder those folk I’ve known, I ponder their welfare and hope – hope all is well.
Google allows an amount of knowledge which isn’t good – but I see – a sigh of releif – I see the current arc of their life is not in western Pennsylvania. I am okay with that, with the prying to find out… still, I will look at the names, worried that the good people I had met might have been in harms way.

they were not.

At times I feel like a simple and small man. Raised with minor challenges mostly of my own device. Loved and supported when I probably should have been allowed to flounder, suffer a bit.
I feel great … something (bet there’s a great Yiddish phrase) – ignorance which was not a bad thing to have – for I was not raised to fear those different than myself; be it a heartfelt lesson given from the heart from my parents and family, or … well, perhaps the side effect of chocolate covered sugar bombs and lots of Saturday morning cartoons.

The church with the funny christmas lights out front on Gennesee street, just down from the New Hartford town line. The lights were straight across – sometimes only one was lit – how odd.

How odd. That was the sum total of the judgement I brought to the situation – I noticed, I pondered compared to my world, and thought ‘perhaps the bulbs had burned out’.

See – ignorance. Massive. But … not ill-minded, not with malice. Just – I didn’t know.
Even after Pat and Lisa and Jonathan, all of the Island, such strong examples – I wonder what they thought of my bumpkin-ness. Jonathan was always given cab fare to get home; we didn’t have cabs (of course we did, I just rode my bicycle everywhere); Jonathan had two kitchens in his home and if I recall would occasionally bury the silverware – I didn’t know, I didn’t ask (that perhaps is the one true fallacy of my benevolent ignorance) – it seems odd, but then again – they went to movies where they threw rice & toilet paper – such wild and seemingly crazy differences between the city and Upstate, eh?

I laugh a little at the fondness the Tribe has had for me – truly they were overly kind, are overly kind. I am not the best example, but my heart is true, my ignorance merely an offshoot of my laziness. Apparently I was good enough. The Tribe has always been welcoming. It made the hatred expressed seem so … woefully ignorant.

these paragraphs above are about me.
I don’t have the words for how Boo has been hurt.
I don’t have the thoughts for how my life, now as a parent, is under duress. Good madam Lis made a post that punched me in my heart. I am extremely lucky, privelaged, untouched by the madness of cultural animosity merely by chance.
My son – merely by chance – will see the world through a different lens, he will see the hatred of strangers directed at him and his because … ?
I understand the concepts, I understand the ‘situation’ – but I am not talented enough to be able to speak to what this means. I hope I can learn enough to be helpful someday. It hurts my mind to start down the road of ‘we exist, yet there are those who not merely want us not to exist, but take actions to bring that to fruition’ – just what the fuck, where to start?
How to speak to it and yet still hold out hope for a better future? A better world?

I looked for a name, and was sadly happy when it was not on the list.
The list is small, but the names – the people on the list, they seem to have been mighty.
Much better words and stories have been made in these last 48 hours – if you’re here go read them.
One speaks of good sir Fred – how he lived in the same neighborhood – how the Tree of Life was part of his neighborhood, and how a wonderful example of such a good neighborhood to have. That one hurt to read.
A post about his doctor, who had compassion to go with his knowledge, who cared – and was able to save the man’s life during a time in America when his life wasn’t valued in the least.

Much better words.

it’s nature’s path to create gems and jewels from intense pressure, right?  perhaps Rumbly there will be a shimmering stone from this time which can be held up to shine light into the darkness of small men’s hearts.


/3:22p+28Oct2018=sunday afternoon || the hum of laptop fan, clackityclack of the keyboard, the gentle breathing of Boo on the settee, and sunlight dappling through the leafs//

Into the 10th, eyes open

logs on fire in firepit
keep the home fires burning – @09/2018 durhamtown

I’ve been watching a YouTube channel by Lockpick Lawyer. Perhaps you can guess what the videos are about.

What I like about the videos so far are that a) he’s calm and collected as he describes what he’s doing, and b) he’s reminding me that “hacking” comes in many many flavors.

Do you know what gallium will do to unprotected aluminum? It’s frankly astounding. My mind raced to the potential applications of this method, fearfully. Then I realized that yes – those two substances have a specific reaction. That I was watching it on the interweb meant, however, that it was not an unknown concern. Probably something those who craft things – important things – out of aluminum know about and make arrangements for.

In a time where there is an awful lot of yelling it’s nice to find and appreciate calm discourse. The inter-linking is probably the one saving grace of the web – I get to hear the wisdom of a Naval officer, an author, a musician, a parenting expert, a DJ full of heart – all from the comfort of the shitter, at times.

Oh the places you will go, as a certain Doctor once noted.

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

Ever onward – sometimes forward

09.04.18 – 10:01a – tuesday

I like the fall – it signifies the ‘beginning’ of the year to me. Presume that comes from my years of schooling. As such I get to ponder the cyclic ‘back to school’ push, the mentality that comes with that ‘here we go again’ feeling.

Remember the joy of a new notebook, new 4 color pen, new backpack? Wonder what’s replaced that nowadays – the smell of a new iPhone perhaps?

Why can’t we ALL get that more often? Besides a new phone what works as a touchstone of a new, yearly season/cycle – a new laptop? a new people carrier? new kicks? Hmmm..