what to say when no one is listening…


[info]ttocsland
December 16th, 2007

Current Mood:
apathetic

Current Music:
silence

that’s always a good question.

:+s+:

dona nobis pacem

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Do you mean your radio program or your blog? Because I read your blog every other day. But for the radio program, I totally suck and haven’t gotten up to hear it 🙁 But I will!!! I promise I will!!!!

A cloudy night allows for seeing well…


[info]ttocsland
December 14th, 2007

Current Mood:
good good

Current Music:
Billy Bragg – A New England

“I seek a stone upon which I may stand, a solidness in a time of bluster, from where I may find peace.”

thus were the comments as I applied to become ordained at the Universal Life Church … much like my fictional hero, Chris at KBHR, 58 AM Radio. You never know when your friends are gonna need to get married, eh?

The serious silly season is upon us … I put up some pretty lights just last night (er, actually Wednesday night – Boo had M. and V. over for chicken divan – soooo tasty – and then they watched TinMan and did crafts!!! – I did holiday lights about the house!), got a car for a trip to the frozen north come a week or so from now, and it just may dip into the 50’s and stay there soon.

Perhaps the annual Geminid meteor shower is what caused the birds to freak out today – not sure, but was spectacular.

off to sleep…

only to awake to a beautiful sunrise … colors galore … some clouds to give it texture, and a coolness that’s nice (ran the trash out – yay – it’s like a race to see who gets there first – I win today!!!)

10 years later … wow. Alex, my friend – thanks so much. definitely a lifetime or three has past, but – wow. Goldie. Blood for the PNW effect … the oregon beach where I first said ‘hey there’ to the emotional heat sink that is the Pacific (a girl name Mary has my Maryland plate…). Baily was as gracious as ever. Down the coast, down down down … and rolling the 101 as it becomes the 134 near burbank – actually eagle rock and seeing to my right the lights of the big city. Perhaps I shall start recalling that point of my life. Perhaps not. So much to see in the here and now, eh?

Cookies were created yesterday that are fabulous! Just delicious! alas, I was a bit broken, but the pain has receded and now, with Boo’s permission, I just may have a breakfast of chocolate bliss!

ciao,

:+s+:

dona nobis pacem


“Keep Calm and Carry On”

“Men and Women of EnglandAmerica, how long shall these things be?”

“don’t be silly”


[info]ttocsland
December 7th, 2007

Current Mood:
awake

Current Music:
oblivian – the elder scrolls 4!!!!

“that’s a bit excessive, don’t you think?” … ah, the joys of listening to Boo play her games.

So, I spent too much time this morning working on knowing more about Digital Asset Management – or DAM. That would be a program that allows you to easily view/use your photos, videos, etc. on your computer/network.

Why would I spend time educating myself, a seasoned veteran of 10,000 digicam wars? Well, cause … I can’t find a picture I know I took. Lame – I know. Shouldn’t I be heading into the bright and wonderful future, with nary a care about what’s gone on before this exact moment??

Well, I’m trying to be a grateful friend for someone(s) who has suffered recently – yes, very cryptic. Did you know I worked on computers in the Air Force?? Ask me about that sometime… needless to say, if I could easily locate a few more pics, perhaps my intention of bring a smile to their faces would be more perfectly accomplished.

On a totally different theme, I sauntered to my back porch door to allow Blue to roam and piddle, but I heard this odd noise – kinda like electrical crackle when you’re under the high-tension lines in Marcy or Montgomery Village – sizzle and crackle. How very odd, and do I want to open my door, what with the house’s connection coming in from the utility pole right above the door? I lean and stretch to see outside from a porch window – and lo and behold – a merry water fountain has been created from our garden house and spray attachment. I guess if the forecast is for 20-something degrees Fahrenheit, er … turn off the outside water connection?? My big fear is that it was doing that for a while … ;-( — bad homeowner scott!!!

Spent some time yesterday planning my holiday escape. So many options, but apparently spending close to $7,000 for a 3 week December to Remember is out. Kinda makes me sad, but I always do have the big crazy ideas, eh?

We’d start in Durham, rolling 32′ of Fabulousness to Loggieland, then heading South to the South, for a happy event in the Jackson, MS area. Perhaps a cookie or 12 dozen!! then to the Frozen North – all at 7 miles to the gallon!!! Boo said that she feels bad to have to say ‘no’ to my outlandish ideas – I guess I gain power and optimism from coming up with a real world solution to the issue – PopsLoggie is not able to fly, and won’t be able to roll in an auto for the hours it would take to get to KarryCat’s graduation. Guess it’s just gonna have to be flowers and Amazon gift certs – unless we have the perfect gift for a newly minted nurse in someone’s head – I’m sure she’s happy about the whole thing, as we all are. Just kind wish my international system of catapults and human hamster balls had had time to perfect itself… “just get in Tom, and stand for a while, and hope against hope that the ball hits the giant netting near the school…” – ah, the first few successful flights would be AWESOME!!!

Hey – have I shared with you the theme for 2008 – “2008 is gonna be Awesome! It’s gonna have robots!!” – feel free to pass this one around – I think it’s gonna stick!

Well, this post certainly isn’t the grandest, but it’s something.

ciao,
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem

“Keep Calm and Carry On”

Hello Blue dog…


[info]ttocsland
December 5th, 2007

Current Mood:
accomplished accomplished

Current Music:
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under the Bridge

Good morning!!

gots to go let her out!

ok – she’s soooooo happy at times, I love her “I’m jumping up to bump you – oh I want to lick too – I’m soooo happy my butt’s a moving all over the place! Weeeeeeee” pose/response to the back deck.

It’s another good morning to say ‘thanks’, the trees are soooo bare – I gave the ‘hood a look see – you can see for miles.

63 at the sink, 37 in downtown, it’s time for ‘scott in the morning’ …

Happiness.
Is it a scritch behind Blue’s ears? Is it Blue finding her mostly denuded tennis ball and waiting for me to toss it about the living room/dining room/kitchen/den? (She nearly toppled Boo’s monitor the other night when I was having her go cross the living room and into the den – but she was sooooooo happy!)
Is it figuring out the perfect amount of Cool Whip to put on a slice of pumpkin pie for breakfast? (I may have nailed that!)
Is it looking upon the woman you love, and even though it might be a forecast for chills and bumps in the night, feeling that magical spot of warmth centered right behind my heart glow with love, feeling the stressors of the moment slip away as you gently touch her hair, so as not to wake her up too early?
Is it the random adventure to find a spot for coffee in Durham after 9:30? (Hint – Bob Evan’s until 10pm, IHOP until Midnight, Honey’s all the time)

Happiness.

As I consider all the things I’ve seen and done, and as I put aside the cold rational skeptic behind my soul who says ‘ain’t it just a chem reaction? try a stronger brew of java, punk – that’ll give a happy for a minute or 7!!’, at this moment, it’s all ephemeral – ethereal – without mass, but oh so strong in its impact.

Happiness.

My mom is thinking (focusing? fixating??) on a stone step from her childhood home. As she spoke of it the other day, I could hear the joy in her voice as she pondered if its awesomeness was real or a figment of her imagination/memory. I thought of a few things I’ve got listed as figment – imagination or memory; there’s an access spot at Main Street Elementary, down in the auditorium way. Perhaps 3rd grade, no later than 4th grade. Exploring during a school band practice, maybe? It had a metal grate over it, but the grate opened and you could fit inside – was it a cold air return entrance? was it in the side hall way to the right of the stage? And didn’t I go and see a movie at Main Street one summer, a B movie about nuclear sized tarantulas? If so, ma – what were you thinking sending your kids to see a b-movie horror flick??

Happiness.

Finding what you’re looking for? Knowing what you’re looking for?
Viv was a love last night and helped me return the rental car over at the airport – side note – airport rental fees are down right ridiculous, but what can ya do?? It coincided with M getting back from a jaunt to the cold happiness of snowmobiling (with sled in tow) up in their old stomping grounds of North Dakota (or souther Canada, as I joke!).
M recently enjoyed the celebration of her 21st birthday, and as we headed back to town from the airport, there was chatting about how ‘we old folks’ probably are boring poor miss M to death, and how nice it must have been for her to be with peeps her own age. You know, back when we were all crazy and fun-loving 20-somethings… – ah, happiness. Committed with all your power, but not exactly sure what it is we were doing.

I shared my Wallace Certified Story (#456, I think) of being part of the vampire crew at Daze Inn Rez in Knoxburg, late shift out at midnight, closing a bar’s kitchen and then the bar at 2 in the morning, heading to the Boiler Room for an after hours dance a thon, heading back to Unpainted Furniture for a morning shift, then back to Daze for the swing, then to the local watering hole for grub and drinks, oh – it’s 2 and they’re closing! Off to the Boiler Room – rinse and repeat!!

My advice re: M’s possible interest in Int’l Biz, was to create a Durham office for things from friends she meets on line – say, an outlet for authentic Swedish fisherman sweaters, where she can send back authentic North Carolina/Durham … uh … stuff! By becoming the American wholesaler for int’l goods, she’d gain the knowledge and smarts without necessarily spending a few years in classrooms. Just my advice, and worth every penny she paid for it!!!

Happiness.

Friends getting back to the swing of things after being away for a bit. Yourself getting back into the swing of things after being away for a bit. The knowledge that it just may – no guarantees here – is just may be alright.

If not happiness itself, then something that adds happy to how things are.

I had a goal – 800 at 8. I achieved that. I also shared a bit of how things are, and I put down in writing some of the thoughts and energy of the {is it 5lbs? 6lbs??} bucket of grey matter I carry around all the time. Feels good to hit a goal.

Hope your day treats you well, and that you are hot in the pursuit of what makes you happy.

ciao,
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem


“Keep Calm and Carry On”

ps – as I sit and review what I’m about to post, I’m realizing that taking a moment to go over, and fix the stupid stuff I should fix before I share is good. It makes me happy to know that I’ve done something well. I guess, to summarize, that taking a moment to pause, to slow down for a reason, is good.

s.

Tuesday afternoon … winter scene out the window.


[info]ttocsland
December 4th, 2007

Current Mood:
good good

Current Music:
Lars Fredrickson and the Bastards – To Have And to Have Not (Billy Bragg cover)

the trees are bare – the leaves are on the lawn – not in a pretty cornucopia of fall colors – most are dry and brown; when it was misting the other night they take on the tone of whale underbelly.

I’m pulling my Gallery pics down to my external hard drive – somewhere I lost the php database that allows peeps to go take a look. Luckily, Flickr is working nicely; might have to take a look over at Picassa, since Flickr don’t have a pic manager that I know of.

Tuesday … chilly – 54 out there. The sky is that brilliant white cloud cover, it’s windy, I can see too far along the neighbor’s back yards. It looks like it feels cold out. I can’t tell if it’s the view that’s allowing me to project my Northeastern prejudices (compared to the anti-views from my LA time) or … just the “season”. Hard to explain – I know it’s winter. All the cues are there. Even Blue is up for a good 20 hour (cumulative) nap cycle! I like it – there’s a distinct change – like crossing a boundary, a river, something – and now we have ARRIVED!!!

I’ve been thinking a bit about the changes over the past year – just looked at a couple of pics from Oct 06 – Rocket was small, Durham was a place we were visiting, and the wheels of the bus of life were chugging along. a mere 13 months later – I walk about our house, the wood floors sometimes creak and give; there are ‘chinks in the armor’ – or at least some gaps between the planks that I feel when I’m strolling bare foot. I have a little habit I do of opening the drapes in the dining room – looking over to Adrian’s place, the tree out that side of the house. I use a curtain rod thingy to push the drapes – the table’s in the way now, used to be the grey sofa. I’m looking at the drapes I’ve tied together to get sun into the den. I can ‘see’ the similar treatment I’ve done on the front door for months now. Light management? It’s nice…

Then as the evening progresses I walk about our house and turn lights on, close the drapes to the deepening darkness, and pet the dog, maybe throw her toy about for her. It’s a nice place to be – certainly ‘homey’ – embrasing, solid to stand on, comfortable – every after just a year. I like that.

We’ve been strugglin, though – through a lot of uncertainty. My employment needs to ramp up a notch or 7; being a home owner is great – taking care of the house is, um, a challenge. Missing the ones we love hurts a lot, more than I care to write about. Being sad sucks. Giving all the hope I have to the powers that be so that I can keep having the {french for things stay the same} relationship of calling Dad once every 3 months – haven’t I learned yet? What the fuck has to happen for me to get it? Tough. Tough times for a number of us, yet … we still get another day. Live another day.

I’ve felt very unfocused for quite some time. I am not sure what the prime factor is – I get all excited about accomplishing something, and in that euphoric faze, I start two or three more things, cause when they’re all done it’s gonna be awesome!!! But … I fail. I don’t get the dishes done and put away. I don’t have a single place for all my pictures (images, video). My files are threatening to overwhelm me, and in that pause before complete collapse, I should be realizing that it’s all … un-important. All a bit of a distraction. the truly funny/sad thing is that the important things have ALWAYS been the important things. Family. Friends. Love. Life. That’s it. Not my toys, not my massive collection of unidentified CDs/DVDs of 0 and 1s, representing a lot of neat and cool and pedestrian things. Where are the fabulous memories of a road trip taken at a drop of a hat??

Wow – seems like I had a bit to say, eh?
Turdblossom escaped, but only because I am … sad and pathetic? Zombified? Scared of the consequences? Resigned to the fact that the system may actually not be broke, and that there are winners and losers in every system, and I’m not on the winning side, with the definition being those who have ‘conquered’ the game. Still, for the cost of a latte, action could have been taken and if nothing else a punishment could have been rendered. Thank goodness the 80% won’t stand up to the 20%, eh?

wow – just spent 5 minutes grabbing the title to the song I’m listening to –

To Have And to Have Not

. the power of the intertubes!!!

Ok, think I’ll get this posted. I’m motivated in part from the earlier posts I made over on my web site – I refer to them as my T.A.W.S(&a!). entries. I tagged them as such – from back in the day when I was a young buck of only 33! Hah!!!!

Write. Write often, and perhaps well.

So today, when Hanukkah begins at sunset (Judaism, 2007) and they celebrate Navy Day in India (hey – they’ve got a coastline!), and who can forget the two opposing events of the 1791 event that would, in time, give us Calvin and Hobbes and Bloom County, The Observer was publishes as the world’s first Sunday newspaper! 200 years later, Pan American Airways – an innovator for years, ended operations. Do something, and do it big!!!

ciao,
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem


“Keep Calm and Carry On”

good things … happening to good people.


[info]ttocsland
December 3rd, 2007

Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful

Current Music:
Led Zeppelin – dazed and confused

always a reason to be up early in the morning … or is it late??

cheerio, mi amigoes!!!

and – I’ve got a video too!!! (mine will be less exciting, but hey – it’s the electronic world – we’ll do something wonderful with it)

:+s+:

dona nobis pacem

“Keep Calm and Carry On”

oh – my iTunes rolled these as we chatted:
Pixies – I Bleed
Meryl Streep – Amazing Grace
Mark Knopfler – Storybook Love (Princess Bride)
Run DMC – My Adidas
the beautiful south – song for whoever