oddly in July everything is precious and nothing is precious

a helping hand can make a chore more enjoyable – Jul ’18, hobbit house

Preciousness. oh, the years hours days I’ve spent worrying about everything.

How my child is going to destroy the kindness offering of our friends children’s luggage. 
I hope they only gave us something that is not the most precious gift, and can be easily replaced.
But isn’t the concept that I think somebody else’s possessions are the most precious leads me to mis-value and judge incorrectly the value of kindnesses, friends, possessions, and a suitcase with a monkey on it.

monkey case, Rumbly likes the rollie wheels! – Jul ’18, hobbit house

I notice as the days slide along that I have these peaks and valleys of interest, apathy, energy, action. don’t we all? But today, in the midst of hectic pursuits, the boy helps out, then focuses – he can’t tell me if he thinks this is precious – hell, I think I’d have a hard time describing an accurate meaning (one rings?) – but he is interested, and focused, and happy. so happy. with a wheel that spins.

the hit that my heart / soul takes when I stop and catch the momentousness of my life – the little things are so incredibly precious, and the material objects, the conspicuous consumption trophies – they are truly just clutter. I like looking at the kiddo when the sun in in the room, his eyes a lovely shade of blue.

I find the patterns soothing, be it bright sky or stormy night – Jul ’18, durhamtown

this may be a short post –
I haven’t written a sign saying register to vote before Oct 1st.
Check your registration today

it is an imperfect life I lead, and as soon as I truly know that that is a fine way to live I should be feeling a bit better, a bit less under the mountain of things I want to do, thinks I have to do, thanks that haven’t happened … yet.

a downtown changes – transforms? – into something it wasn’t. – Jul ’18, durhamtown

Take kind care of yourself, of those in your life, in the world you exist in. Perhaps in a day or 5 I can speak to the truth and un-truth of ‘you are not alone’ – but that would take some focus. We shall see, eh?

ciao,

//11:03p + 21 July 2018 = saturday night || a variety of YouTube personalities that entertain us in quick bites//

oddly, July is both an ending and a beginning

clouds float in, clouds float out – my mind is a frenzy pack of rabid sloths pondering life – durhamtown, Jul ’18

So here we are.
Wrapping things up.
Waiting/hoping to start anew once more.

I’ve been pondering the stuttering stops that have occurred in the past. Pondering the successes I’ve enjoyed. Pondering on where to go, where to be, how to get there – “you have to start where you are” the sage advice of good sir Peter, and I believe Blood’s wonderful guide also.

John says – “every parent needs to show their kids the Live Aid performance of Queen as they deliver Bohemian Rhapsody – to truly understand what live music can be”
Can’t really find any fault in that argument

clouds float in … making shadows that flit and sprint and flail as if they were from our souls – Jul ’18 durhamtown

I’m very much amused at myself – the keeper of dates – who’s had the last year and a half become a crater where my well honed process are but a jumble, smashed and littered – under-feet, but my eyes are up and forward. What the hell. At least I see the clouds. the sky.

Had I not been in love with my kid, I might have had more than 15 seconds to ponder ‘an ending’ – what is it that I want to end? what is it that I want to start? Do we even have that kind of control? I think not, good Yorick, I think not. (Yo – Rick! – was that what Bill was trying to say?)

///later in the day, on/about 11pm – home from work to the post office yay shannon was here when I got back the kid is awesome and eats mush the neighbors got a fence/gate put up I made chkn que-sa-dillas for boo and I and hit up amigas for luggage – ‘lug’ – hmmm now I sit listening to Freddie god damn Mercury and think of killer queen and duane and times in the past because looking forward is so god damn hard – not to mention scary how are you?///

I like listening to podcasts – it’s like a conversation with friends, except they don’t know you. The Green brothers have a lovely ‘cast called Dear Hank and John – a podcast of dubious advice and all the news from /brit football club/ AFC Wimbledon and mars. Current episode had a question from megan asking ‘who is Mr. Rogers?‘ – and John offered that he is the reason for all the kindnesses your parents have given you . And I thought -yeah, sounds about right. Their audience may skew ‘young’. – Oh look – I can attempt to embed the episode (though the link above takes you to the start of the answer to the question.


Mr. Rogers. Yeah, we could use more folks like him.
Oh – I had this odd thought (SURPRISE!) about a litmus test for decency in people – I though of two questions – ‘do you donate blood to the Red Cross or other blood banks?’ & ‘do you pick up litter even if it’s not your trash?’ – of course these pop into my mind as I rage impotently against the dying of the light, but alas I think they might have merit.

so this one has been all over the place – and I’m ok with that.
Here’s a picture –

from a time a bit ago when things stopped and started – Apr ’17, Hobbit House

I sometimes can not believe … then my heart explodes – Apr ’17, the center of my univers

I like the advice I’ve offered recently – Take care of one another, ok?
Makes me think of good people, good times, good beginnings and good endings.

Until I write again, perhaps you will stop and start – I hope it goes well.

ciao,

/// – oh wow – holy shit – by adding my reg gmail acct, as admin, to this blog (which is under mt90) I’ve given myself seamless access to not only my gphotos (which are all nc.scott) AND my phone! just – whoa!///

//Love it – Saint Fred, patron saint of hope, joy, community & cardigans! ::s:://

//12:34p + 19 July 2018 = Thursday afternoon || keXp’s Johnny Dicks spins “Breaking My Light
Minor Victories”//

oddly in July, thoughts of community

Lucky, definitely – Jul ’18, American Tobacco Campus, durhamtown

Community. It’s not just a funny show on TV! Currently I’m a big fan of where I live – durhamtown has been a nice place to be.

But it’s not the only community I consider myself to be a part of. As often happens every weekday I take a listen to keXp (90.3 fm Seattle//kepx.org around the world)

over the years I’ve been lucky enough to support keXp – it feels good. jul ’18 hobbit house

I’m proud to be part of the keXp community – even if I feel a bit of a fraud, but by-golly I’m a fan of John’s morning show, and pretty much everything else I happen to catch. If I were rollin’ in the 206 do know that I’d have that station permanently welded to spot numero Uno preset on the car radio. Welded solid!

thanks Allen S. – Jul ’18, hobbit house

Another community in which I feel a tad bit the fraudster, but alas I earned entrance the hard way, is my former work center  – Big Blue’s Metro Tango. Good people who did good work. Some would say we did magic. And as I read posts and muse missing out on annual gathers (reflecting how in truth I was adjacent to the main team… and that’s fine too) I know that where I was, who I was has had an impact on who I became. I stand on the ground trod by fellow veterans of my community.

local and delicious! – Jul ’18, durhamtown

Then there’s the closer circle – durhamtown, of course, but our section – Colonial Village/North Gate Park adjacent – our little corner grocer – King’s. in 10+ years I’ve never been let down by them.

Community.
It’s important to everything, isn’t it?
It offers you a home. It offers you a home away from ‘home’ – from the basic smoker’s arrangement agreement (outside, by the door – or out at the sidewalk on/about Duke Medical, eh?) to more ethereal ‘oh, you’re into theater?’ & ‘hey, nice bike.’
Community is how you feel confident in your opening line to the folks who are just friends you haven’t met yet. Looking at you durhamtown music & theater scene – how kinda awesome.

I guess this musing leads to this conundrum – if community is what brings us together, helps us feel secure – what happens when you run across a community that doesn’t? How do we come together when in fact they hold the mere existence of those who are different in contempt, and sometimes murderously so? You’d think with the number of tours of the sun I’ve seen I’d have some sort of insight, but alas.

Guess it’s the quiet even hours, wonders and worries of the future not just for me, but for mine. Will he find a place? will that place be worthy of him? will I have any impact on his arc at all?

late night, pondering, poking about the keyboard and dusty memories – photos strewn across terabytes of storage, recollections beneath the stairwell in my mind – how on earth did I think that mustache was … whatever I thought it was? Just … no.

Take care of each other, ok? The weather is all over the place, and I fear the summer storms will be ruinous this year.

ciao,
::s::

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |

“Don’t Forget to Be Awesome”

//1:27p + 17 July 2018 = Tuesday afternoon || keXp echoes from Johnny Dick’s pretty awesome
shift//

oddly in July, friends, friendships and family

clear skies and a pass to the party deck! Good times – Jul ’18, DBAP

I’ve enjoyed the kindnesses bestowed upon me and mine these past few days – just really nice, super easy, truly a good way to live our best life.To our kind friends, our good neighbors – thank you.

So I find myself here not having much of a cohesive plan for this post. I believe I need to be totally fine with that – what do you think?

Boo & I were treated to an evening of fun and joy courtsey of the kind gents and fabulous lady who gave us the space to be out and about and enjoying. Have to say it was certainly the best time I’ve ever spent at a ball game in July – so very very luck we were.

Certainly an evening worth celebrating! – Jul ’18, DBAP

An evening with friends – with the wee lad being in the good hands of another friend. I’m sure I’ll look back on this weekend fondly years from now – it was a milestone of sorts.

A place to put your ass – Jul ’18, DBAP

We went on quite the adventure this evening – the three of us crossed the street to enjoy a very pleasant gather at Katie of the Blue House. Got to meet the one over neighbor which was nice, and Gabi & Dustin were also there to enjoy. After some concurring opinions that the wee lad is kinda awesome, including both 4-legged friends, some drinks, some sushi, some salsa were all enjoyed, and after the wee lad bid his farewells, we enjoyed the company and I – at least – felt once more that I was adulting with distinction. Look – we’re out of our house! We’re imbibing! We’re talking about things other than poop and electric outlet covers! We ROCK!!!

I did get to recollect our coming to durham story for ms. Megan; all these years in all these lifetimes – just kinda wow. Of course I forgot to thank Gabi & Dustin for the cold brew they shared the other weekend – what with my mind being a mere shadow of it’s previous, anxiously ruled pursuit of utter pleasantness. Forgive me, I am only human.

summer nights can be great nights – Jul ’18, DBAP

It was nice to have a reminder that the town I call home, the town my son will call ‘home’ – it’s a pretty damn good place to be. Kind & wonderful people, good fun things to go and do, certainly a surprising place to find myself compared to my ‘master plan’ – but then again, aren’t plans what we do while other things  happen?

Locals who’ve done good – it was a stranger things kind of night – Jul ’18, DBAP

I think I’ll wrap this entry on these fleeting thoughts/themes – perhaps truths – people are decent more often than not. Some write stories and make shows; some offer open doors and kind  hearts in the name of neighborliness; some take a stroll about a ballpark even when sitting under the ceiling fan is the much better call. But as I look back over these few days, and then look back over the past decade – it’s plain to see that changes happen; I find it true that there is hope in that fact.

Take care of one another, be as kind as you can be.

ciao,

//11:15p + 15 July 2018 = Sunday night || Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers plays besides my keyboard, Nexus 6P once more making my life a little bit better. Much appreciation Celia & Craig – y’all have no idea how much you’ve helped us.//

oddly in July, summer filled energy and angst

rain falls to the ground, occasionally missing – Jul ’18, durhamtown

Summer in durhamtown – personally not the best thing about durhamtown. ’cause … the south. Warm. A bit muggy. Of course, the amount of snow I have to shovel balances things out. Gotta keep the big picture in mind, right?

How’s life treating y’all, as summer rolls over the land, things heating up, things getting sticky. Hope you find a moment or three of respite, of solace, of joy.

choices were made. choices were mildly regretted – Jul ’18, Hobbit House

Here is a picture of a breakfast (really anytime – right?) pastry – there is truth in this picture – somethings are better together, somethings are not. My truth is that a half-assed frosted strawberry ‘Tart – even attached to a cheesecake flavored attempt – is one of the “are not” situations. Now what truth I do not know is if this situation – where two things, together, are not really more than either one separately – can be improved. I’d offer the suggestion that you could have one foil pouch with two distinct pastries – as opposed to smushing two flavors together. Kinda like a fraternal pack of ‘Tarts.

look at me – I’m a curious fellow! SCIENCE!! early in the morning, in front of the wee lad! Jul ’18, Hobbit House

Here is a picture of an experiment/example – there is truth in this picture – the truth that we will change, we can change, and yet still be ourselves. A bit hard to see (esp. if you’re not displaying GIFs (also, it’s not pronounced like the peanut butter. something something a hill I’m willing to die on!) which happens) – but basic science class show & tell. It’s water. It’s all water. Just different states, different types of water. Different ways of being. How can I use this as an example of our current state of affairs? I ponder – energy levels, transitions of state, dissipation? Hmmm…

If you think about it this is the world we live in – Jul ’18, durhamtown

Here is a picture of a computer – there is truth in this picture – the truth that even though we live an existence by ourselves, we are almost never alone; others will be involved in your life literally from day 1. Now, this message – well that’s a lovely message, isn’t it? At least until you think about it a bit.

Who is this “We”, what is everything, why “getting ready”, and is it really for me? That’s kinda creepy. But it’s truly inevitable. In the world we live in, no matter your efforts, there will be unnamed, faceless masses impacting your every day. I’m sure if you pursued a different way of living, say //Alaska guy// then you’d be much closer to an ideal.

But here, now – we are all but entombed with a choir on high, pushing and pulling, taking and giving, saving and deleting – or perhaps not, for we don’t realize where we walk, where our footsteps fall, where our fingerprints are stuck. A much more complex maze to walk through, but … we still have to start where we are and make our way across the room. It’s what we do every day that counts the most.

reflections on modern parenting – Jul ’18, Hobbit House

Here is a picture of a father & son spending time together – there is truth in this picture – my truth is that as I observe this incredible, miraculous, mundane point of our existence unfold before me I am curious, amazed, and befuddled. His truth will be distinct, different, better I hope, and yet contain the identical pathways of growth from child to adult, amazing to amazed, from crawling to standing tall.

There’s the oh so predictable feels of ‘how to help but be able to let go?’ & ‘why the hell would we ever let go??!!’ & ‘wow, kids can make you feel extra crazy!’ – but I can see in this pic all the great things I hope he gets to enjoy. Playing, posing, reading, camera-ing – but it’s the immutable knowledge that I have very little control over his arc. So what can I do? What can I do? There’s the ‘catchphrase of the summer!’ – it goes nicely with this video – though I think the whole IWYDED thing should be a focus for me. Do v try, also.

more of this ‘we’ shit – WHO ARE YOU!!!! WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED??? – Jul ’18, late at night

Here is a picture of a computer – there is truth in this picture – the truth that things have changed. My truth includes a stint installing Windows ’95 onto office 486DX (the ones with the math co-processors operational!) desktops. All 31 diskettes.

All 31 diskettes. Times 5 machines. Hurt my thumb, as I recall.

This message notes how far we’ve come – Windows is no longer something you buy in a box and spend a weekend updating so that on Monday everyone and their Uncle can bitch bitch bitch about how now there’s a mouse, and windows, and oh look – solitaire. Oh never mind…

So if we HAVE to be computerized – and we do; and we aren’t the sole gatekeeper for what goes on inside the OS – what is that? We’re users, with no control? We are distracted, we have no control. I guess we could boot up a copy of Win’95 and live a more simple, in control life. I sense a historical equivalency there with, say, the Amish – horse and buggy, bright reflective orange warning triangle attached, trotting down State Route 15, life in the slow-fast lane. A Win’95-ful life would probably be just  as risky. I have no answers, but I’m happy I ponder my truth.

My post the other day noted a few things that I haven’t addressed in this post – Boo’s fears as stoked by the insanity of our society seemingly in the early outbreaks of an obvious very slow zombie scourge – perhaps their brains have been eaten already, but they can still drive, vote, talk on TV, use Twitter. It would help explain a few things, yes?

Nor did I take a look at how I will make my stand, how I will announce my stand, how I will extend my hand in friendship and camaraderie – the build a longer table, not a higher wall mentality.

Nor have I done a million other things – yet it seems I’ve done the bare minimum. Truly want to do more than that. If only the energy wasn’t based in angst, eh?

Take care of each other, alright?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  that makes me think of Ed & Jeff, of their kindnesses, their challenges, their wonderfully fine example of being good people. The world could stand to have a few more Ed & Jeffs, just saying.

I don’t number these but I’m glad I came back as soon as I did. the thoughts above are good thoughts, that’s the truth I see.

ciao,

//11:05a + 13July2018 = Friday morn || keXp’s evie spins ‘Rebel, Rebel’ by the thin white duke//

oddly in July, days fly by. I try to listen at least.

Rumbly ponders blocks in his playroom – Jun ’18, @ Hobbit House

It’s what you do every day.
I guess that’s the best advice, guidance, wisdom I will have to offer the wee Lad.
So I will attempt to make a point with this post.
1) – when your wife speaks of the terror she feels at the potentially horrible turn of events poised to happen, it’s not very settling, nee – perhaps a discourse will happen, with loud and confused voices even.
2) – when your wife picks up a kick-ass new habit perhaps figuring out a way to say “way to kick ass!!!” while still making it feel as there was never a doubt (there wasn’t), that it’s going well (it’s going great, acutally), and still … not make it a shocked, surprised – holy shit look at you!!! kinda thing. Should make notes or something for that, eh?
3) – I need to state that I stand with my friends. I stand for liberty and freedom for all. I stand for love and inclusion. I feel sad that fear of others is the leading impact factor making our world a far far unsafe & dangerous place.
4) – I need to try to re-frame my arguments – I need to boldly state what I am for while denouncing the actions/inactions of others and the perils they are creating. It’s a tightrope I do not walk well along – there tends to be a lot of flailing and shouting and what not.
Think I’ll accomplish these things?
Let’s find out!
clouds float in, clouds float out – my mind is a clear blue sky – Jul ’18, durhamtown

Here is a picture of the sky – there is truth in this picture – the sky is blue, and has clouds at times.

a dash of color, nature in springtime is smiling – Bot. Gardens, Chapel Hill – Jun ’18

Here is a picture of some flowers – there is truth in this picture – given time, sunshine & rain, and a chance to flourish nature has a way to create beautiful things.

when I look I see joy, love, happiness – and yes, of course – Boo made this! Jul ’18, Hobbit House

Here is a picture of some art – there is truth in this picture – we denizens of Earth are capable of expressing ourselves, are capable of learning from others, are capable of working with others to accomplish great things.

expressing on honest opinion – a home on Washington, durhamtown – Jul ’18

Here is a picture of some art – there is truth in this picture – events are taking place that do not make sense to the human heart; also art; also, perhaps only for my truth, clarification that America is not as great a country as our time in history deserves.

“Papa … Papa…”

If you click through you will be able to listen to an audio tape – there is truth in this recording. It marks the moment that my truth, as a father, is vulnerable. I can not do justice to the feelings I have when I even think about what’s on that recording. I’ve had many ups and downs in my few years on this planet – many angry days, many happy days, many wandering nights (81 South through PA for the win!!!) – I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to hold on to the events in my past, that is – my truth. Even worse than my feelings of November 2016 is now. It breaks my heart. It boils my blood. It clarifies who I think I am, who I want to be, who I need to be for my son. As above, I’m attempting to re-frame. It is difficult.

of fabulous-ness created, performed, enjoyed, and remembered fondly I hope – manbites dog sign, durhamtown, Jul ’18

Here is a picture of a sign – there is truth in this sign – a group of people working together can create wonderful things that exist and then disappear, kind of like a magic trick. Upon witnessing either a play or a moment of magic one can find themselves in disbelief, in awe, in surprise and joy. Among other feelings. Hidden away, unseen yet patently clear, effort has been exerted, skill refined, immense amounts of resources lined up for but a moment in our lives to present … thought incarnate. My truth associated with this sign is that I am very lucky. That I am privileged by mere luck. That I cannot possible feel, nor understand completely, paths I have not walked down no matter how much knowledge I may possess. In all honesty, my truth is indebted to those who have performed for me over the years – I can only be here, now, due to those who made thoughts incarnate, no matter that all the bar had was Le Bleu. Perhaps what propels me is the hope and belief in the visions offered ever so briefly by those in the light, propped oh so high by those in the shadows. I hope in your truth you can experience and appreciate such magical moments.

As I titled this – days fly by, they really do. I have hope, this is proof that with effort my hopes can be visualized, can be made real. As Boo is very fond of reminding us – Forward, Not Fetal!

Be kind to yourselves, take care of each other.

with much, much gratitude to those who’ve kept me going for so long. I’ll get around to sharing the goodness, kindness of Ed & Jeff in a post soon – changes recently have caused a moment of pause.

///
take it easy, Caspar sings. breakfast happens for the guys in the kitchen.
Hali waits so so patiently.
Boo vlogs everyday
/// – earlier attempt to make a consistent effort. See how I fail?