Tuesday, greyness & Family

Current Mood: cold

Current Music:The Mountain Goats – Source Decay

split pea soup is being heated, a Herb Philipson’s gift card arrives in the mail, and we regroup.
the details need attending, but the swell of love and friendship keeps us buoyed. Good friends, great friends, and people who can’t be categorized have done so much to keep us … going? no, keep us sane. to them all we owe a debt of gratitude.
but sometimes, it’s the least expected corner of the universe where peace and happiness is handed, unconditionally, when you can’t conceive anything other than you own path.

Z started driving Pop-pop’s quad over this past weekend, and apparently was a wonderful student of the instruction over the past years. We visited the snowmobile crossing, made it back to the farmhouse and then did a loop of the big field.
His joy of being a boy was all encompassing, and as dis-believing as I was of his promise to keep me mud free, I returned to Boo and Mel and Michelle happy, smiling through and through, though not as smiley as Z was.

Thanks dude – more than you will know, thanks.

:+s+:

dona nobis pacem
“Keep Calm and Carry On”

Sometimes, after a bit, things aren’t good, but ok…

Current Mood: contemplative

Current Music:Dropkick Murphys – Amazing Grace
Today is a dreary, wet and cool fall day in upstate.
not motivated to do much, and have chilled at 1 Trinity for the whole day. Saw Matt this morn, dropping off Blood who took shelter at the Humphreys, what with Boo making it in after a long drive yesterday (Friday). Yay for boo being here!

Of course, left alone and not eager to distract myself with productive things (dishes?), I pondered some sad songs Blood sent me a year ago. Cause a year ago I was sad. Really sad. We miss you canela, I hope you know that.

So I set to composing, and that didn’t actually help much, so now I’m listening to a fine selection of both appropriate and inappropriate music and thinking thoughts that make me feel good.

Thoughts like last year was tough, real tough. But perhaps I’m stronger and better able to deal with this period of my life. I think about how Justin has become a stunning young man, with a future as bright as anyones. How family and friends will surprise you at the best moment and leave you smiling, no matter how sad you may be.

I think about how thankful I am, and how blessed I am.

How we’ll get through this too.

Ma, I miss you … awfully a lot. quietly in the back of my dark spaces behind all the bright light of the day’s activities, it’s quite lonely back there. I focus on the front to ease the tears, but damn it I’ll have to get back there and it’s gonna suck.

Canela, I miss you too. It’s too quiet with just blue at the house, even though she’s enjoying being the center of our attention. I miss your donut of sleeping happiness, and I miss your bunnyhoppity happiness whenever Ham came out to play. Run and hop and sleep and know we love you.

damn rainy days…

ciao,
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem
“Keep Calm and Carry On”

the sisters and I sit in the living room…

Current Mood: sad

Current Music:sound of family
we’re able to call and text and communicate … but we don’t say or tell things all that well …
Here’s what my sister Blood has written, and I think it’s great.
+++
Hi Everyone –
This is not the email I wanted to be writing, nor one that any of you hoped to receive anytime soon…

Mom passed away just after midnight, with Shari and Scott by her side, along with the crew of angels who were on staff last night at St. Peter’s ICU.

As you know she’d been having a rough time of things recently, and last night she went into cardiac arrhythmia. Although she fought hard for several hours to push through, in the end she just couldn’t overcome this final challenge.

We’re incredibly sad, and know you are too, but we can all be proud of how she handled this final challenge in her life – with bravery, optimism, grace and good humor. She was giving those poor nurses (and us!) a heck of a time right to the end, even dropping the infamous ‘Jones look’ that so many of us were all too familiar with (I seemed to have inherited that particular family talent, for better or worse – probably because I spent so much time studying it during my adolescence)…

I’m already amazed at just how much I miss her, but despite my sadness, I know she’s in a better place and smiling down upon us all. I think I can speak for the entire family in this case, and tell you that your love, encouragement and prayers have made this difficult journey much easier to bear. We are indeed blessed in so many ways, and Mom felt the same way.

Tomorrow we will be working out the details for her calling hours and memorial service (they will be on the same day, calling hours followed by the service) – and I will be in touch again as soon as we have the information. It will be either Saturday or Sunday (25th or 26th) in the afternoon, probably from 1-5, at Dimbleby’s funeral home in Whitesboro.

The obit will run in the Utica OD, and I hope that you get this email before you read it in the paper – my apologies if I don’t get to you first but we only got back to Utica this evening and this has been my first opportunity to write.

Much love,
Carol

+++
this sucks.
s.
+++

( 2 comments)


maddening
2008-11-04 06:27 pm (UTC)
(71.191.199.65)
I haven’t checked in with LJ in a very long time. I’m so sorry to see this, Scott. You and Alicia and your family are in our thoughts. If you need anything at all let us know. You’d be amazed at what you can get through the mail these days.


Thanks so much Holly…
ttocsland
2008-11-08 10:35 pm (UTC)
(71.111.215.200)
we think of you two often and I swear I’ll drag boo up to see you guys soon.

I’m very lucky to have such good friends and family – I’m not sure how I would have made it thru otherwise…

you two be good to each other, and belated happy anniv!!

ciao,
s.

fuck

just really . fuck!
and damn it
and shit…

love ya ma.

( 4 comments )


smoakes777

2008-10-21 06:12 am (UTC)
(68.164.68.86)
So very sorry.
We’re sending you our most loving thoughts.

agincourtdb
2008-10-22 06:25 pm (UTC)
(68.48.52.193)
I sent you a hug (via A.), but I wanted to say directly how sorry I am for your loss. I’ll be thinking about you guys today.


Sir Dave…
ttocsland
2008-11-08 10:37 pm (UTC)
(71.111.215.200)
thanks so much for your thoughts and words… and hug! I’m so very thankful for my friends and my family… I could not have made it thru without everyone’s support!

ciao,
s.

carrilla
2008-10-23 04:29 am (UTC)
(75.182.71.36)
🙁

Saturday afternoon…

Current Mood:concerned

Current Music:Mountain Goats – This Year
Dust to Glory is on the tv – mesmerizing both Zach and I – hey – that’s a VW Beetle running the Baja 1000!!!!!!
We did a 6 mile ride on bicycles this afternoon, followed by a bit of a walk.
Helped fix up some issues at Mel’s studio …
Jason is trimming up the tree on the corner across the way – I guess we having our big dead one cut down is an inspiration to people with chain saws everywhere!

Things are a bit tough with my ma at the moment, which on top of the helping out with Hanna has me a bit … er, well, thank god for valium.

Hope your entry into fall is going well – love the change of season, love having to have a sweatshirt handy!

ciao…
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem
“Keep Calm and Carry On”

TIMBER!!!

Current Mood:enthralled

so, we’re finally having some trees trimmed.
Damn they’re good – missed the house by about as much as Matt missed his mom’s house the other year. Close!
Go BJ Boak!

s.

One man’s dream… to share so that a miracle can happen.

Current Mood:concerned

Current Music:James Nachtwey’s TED Talk
I’ve talked about TED before.
I’ve seen James Nachtwey’s talk – it’s very moving, disturbing and memorable.

He has the hope that by sharing with people who care about a tragic situation, we – as the united humans of earth – can make a difference, to make it better.

His hope takes 3 minutes to watch and listen too, and though sharing isn’t hardly anything, it’s something. So I’m doing it.

XDRTB. Extremely Drug Resistant Tuberculosis.

I’m not sure what else I can do. But I’ll pay attention, and see if we – my community – can do anything more.

ciao,
:+s+:

dona nobis pacem
“Keep Calm and Carry On”