Oddness for the day – this is the date that Marty and doc zoomed off to ‘in the future!’ – zoot!!
8:11 am +23Jun2012= Saturday morning
Hey mickeymatt – wanna go for a bike ride?? wow…
opened the windows a bit … temps are just now getting into the low 70s, blue is happy to be able to sniff the outside while relaxing a bit…
meeting little people who have incredible amazing awe-inspiring – meteoric (there’s the word I’m digging for) impacts on the lives of those close by. Instead of dust and destruction, though, hope and happiness. truly amazing.
I’ve been pondering a more ‘professional’ place to blog on the intertubes… to tie in with a bit more ‘professional’ presentation of my skills.
but – where – or more to point – under what banner… ttocsland? pacoscott? perfent? Of course – what the hell am I gonna write about probably has an impact on where to post/host it.
will having a better place to ‘make a stand’ challange me to actually stand?
watching the ride the divide movie as I type this – real challanges – real awakenings of what’s important, why to do the things we do…
solitude empowers, solitude ….
took a bit to enjoy a second cup of coffee and watch the movie – cool story, great balance of the place, the people, the story – man v. nature and shit. somewhat surprising that the big challenge was the issue of man v. mind – in that those who started the race didn’t really end up being challanged by the physical toughness, but the mental game – riding alone in the middle of beauty.
Some great cinematography helped me understand Blood’s love of that corner of the world.
Of course, taking my fat ass off the couch and dropping me in Banf saying ‘enjoy the ride’ and the physcal becomes the fear. Ah, people who are in shape.
thoughts I had while watching: if you’re in shape you can ride then eat what ever you want to. I looked at my MBA on the stool, where I was crafting this gathering of sentences and wondered “when I wake up, what do I have that I can make money with??” – meaning that I’m capable of a number of things every day of my life – breathing, smiling, shitting, telling tales, observing life around me. how can I capitalize on these inate skills?
what is the minimum I need to add to my ‘out of bed’ self to maximize the $$??
good quetions I should find answers to.
9:25 on a saturday morning… how do i break out? break free? change directions? get going? get my shit together (GYST)?? really, what can I do?
(apparently I can ask a shit ton of questions!!)
Yay for our local food truck rodeo!! It’s no Voss’, but it’ll do.
Ok, if I don’t push ‘publish’ this will languish, so here is your most recent mostly incomplete update/blather from your man Scott.
Current Mood: nostalgic?
Current Music: U2- Your blue room / The Mountain Goats – Going to Georgia
11:18 pm + 11Jun2012 = Monday eve
Hey there. How’s it going?
so much to maybe type here- like ‘here’s to your dad Bob. our hearts and love go out to you’ – though I suspect Blood will compose a much more thoughtful reflection in the weeks to come.
How about a nod to the powers of the universe, and a hello to Baby J – may Viv and Rachael have years of too damn much happiness in front of them. Or a tip to the oh so normal and yet fantastic update on Baby Izzy. or a ‘happy 3 months’ to Lily? or a Mazel tov to Lis and David for their start down the path to marital bliss they started this past Saturday over next to the butterfly house? Lot of things to note from right now… yet my focus has drifted back to ’08.
Sitting here in a very loud space (earphones in, blasting Winamp on my Android evoShift to block out Boo chatting with Sarah – yay for them, yay for me) … been copying over posts from my LiveJournal account (remember those?) to my blogger account. Copy and paste, copy and paste, scroll through the years to get back to 2008 on the blogger screen, laugh and shake my head at photos from a long long time ago.
then there’s a little pic of my ma, next to the NYPD sign in New Hartford, so happy to be taking the family out for a slice or two of some gluten free pie!
A fairly crappy pic, poorly framed, my mom’s too far away in the distance… but kinda still really powerful.
I’ve been feeling really good for a while now, and these posts from the past show my wide dynamic range from glee to joy to surliness … but I have this mental spot in my head where things aren’t shiny, aren’t happy, aren’t good.
happy shiny baby pick as a warning – dark monsters of ‘what the hell….’ lay beyond and below, turn back now while you have a chance…
Really, kinda mean it – I’m re-reading here and you should just click thru to 2008 and laugh and laugh and laugh. I’m fine, all is very very well, but to counterbalance that truth I have looked over my shoulder and ponder for a few.
no – really…
(stupid blogger – can’t put in a jump cut like I want… sigh)
++ ++ ++
why am I even looking into the darkness?
because I am no longer there…
but shouldn’t I fear calling its name?
was it my soaking in the sonic goodness and weight that is John Darnielle?
the world shines as I cross the Macon county line going to Georgia
most remarkable thing about you … standing in the doorway is that it’s you standing in the doorway
and you smile when you ease the gun from my hand, and I’m frozen with joy right where I stand
the world throws it’s light underneath you hair, 40 miles from Atlanta this is no where
going to Georgia …
a lot of time spent listening feeling sweeping away into the soul the heart of others and their words that touched my psyche… with the swipe of a finger the stabbing of a thumb I go somewhere else, not so close, but so much more … something.
Gap ad – fall 2001 – Supertramp – give a little bit of my love to you … those were dark and scary times I don’t know how i got through – do you? give a little bit, give a little bit of my life for you…
tunes. melodies, beats to march along to, to skip along to, to make tracks to be somewhere else – is that how I’m better now? settled? here where I am, and ok with it? hmmm…
in august 2008 I was ‘hangin’ in upstate’ … thankful. flying. unrealizing that the time I had was going to go away.
the photos show my life is in constant rerun, though I know that’s not true. but the places, the touchstones of my life – visit upstate, take part of the well worn path into the flood-waters, eat our way through, it’s what we’ve done. be with the people, while we are being. take food, be it gluten free pizza with mom, Voss’ with the 1 trinity crew (and Seattle-ites), sitting with family in family spaces. lots of at rest, not in motion – i was the motion one, I guess…
smiles – genuine smiles to be happy for the visit and the being and the sitting – but happy for this moment? I have no idea… was I happy?
awkward moments pile upon one another, the visits that weren’t as easy to pull off – the actions that were hard weren’t taken, the easy ones for me causing chaos those were the ones I took, because … why? I have no idea – I thought it was me caring and giving perhaps? what I’d want?
// u2 – running to stand still // – a tune that reaches to me, to a story line I never ever even got close to, but the human condition is within my grasp, right? am I running to stand still? or standing still hoping to be running? oh you cunning man, bono!
the darkness in the night I was never out in – the darkness was my own creation deep in my soul, surrounding my heart with fear and doubt…
sweet the sin, but bitter the taste in my mouth…
only see one way out –
cry w/o weeping, talk w/o speaking, scream w/o raising your voice…
ha ha ha
I did only follow one way – rigid, concrete way I choose and followed and when choices arose I flailed.
storms blow up in our eyes says bono, stormy eyes. stormy hearts. stormy minds. How’s the weather up there? mary love taught me to ask…
‘still running still running still running…’ oh how I’d love a GPS map of my soul and psyche through the universe of true – what was my catch phrase – ever onward, sometimes forward? hah
swimming in the currents of my emotions, against the rip tides of doom and sadness, across the smooth glassy waters of peace and joy and happiness, into the choppy waters of despair. try not to flail…
\the Unforgiven – All Is Quiet on the Western Front – ah, 1986 – dark dark bicycle rides up and down the hills of P.O.M. … adrift without a focus or positive purpose. On my own and flailing – such a lovely memory… but I had wheels, and I had music. and the Unforgiven had a 5 guitars attack – holy shit! and I sadly just missed their reunion out Cali way in April… sigh…
More tunes everyone should hear, but only grace my memory space. sigh again.
who the fuck am I? wow…
and good night my sweet demons of doubt and desparation – sleep long and well with many many happy thoughts and dreams. these storms shall pass on, sunnier days lay ahead… directly above actually.
//1:13am + 12Jun2012 = tuesday morning//
why good saturday morning to you and yours! hope it’s all good and wonderful with you.
summer is right on top of us, about to bring her warmth to our corner of the planet, before she does I want to say ‘wow’ for the recent bout of spring time weather – soooo very very nice to be able to step out front and enjoy the shade of the tree and a light breeze.
perhaps summer used the hoots of at least 2, if not 3 owls – WOW – for a short bit swore it was just kids, but heard the rustling in our tree – soooo loud, so cool – to warn us of her approach. ‘the owls in the magnolia, by scott w.’ should be worked up toot sweet, I think.
had a smallness of the world moment this week: caught on Netflix ‘Dead Man’s Shoes‘ three nights ago – fairly dark and stormy ‘vet back from war, cleans up baddies who messed with family’ story, though fairly rote. did find the opening track totally cool – Bill Callahan “Vessel in Vain” – so I perused the soundtrack listing and found this track – M. Ward – Dead Man – which is also pretty damn good.
then, lo & behold, sitting in Morgan & Beth’s living room I look up at the picture rail in the dining room and there’s an M. Ward LP – zoot!! Never heard of the lettered performer prior, now two sittings in one week! (yes, hits and misses but this one … well, touch odd. Dead Man’s Shoes is a 2004 flick, M. Ward is on Merge records, all mixed together in my very own wow-machine!) Looking forward to hearing the new Ward album, along with the Dicken’s record! As it is, I’m listening to the wonderful warbling of The Water Callers first disc.
road realization from the other week ties in nicely… think it went like this: ‘it’s ok if it’s just in my life, doesn’t need to be in everyone’s; live my life and enjoy’
I was pondered sharing music I love with the MickeyMatt. More specifically The Water Callers (sure it was their track Magnolia, but here’s the video to She Was the One), but also marc cogman (here – you will enjoy the video for Run Like Hell) – groups that he’s not going to run into in Clinton, just don’t see it happening. But – none the less – great music. Sure they won’t be for everyone, but really do think he’ll dig them.
what do I do? buy up extra copies and send them to him (bands-folk scream YES!!!!)? do I make a mixed cd for him to listen and enjoy (which kinda sparked this, as we rolled in the SportWagen (highly recommend!!!) to get some pizza, he spun some tunes on a mixed CD including a Bruce kid’s song!) – of course I should.
But back to that minor-epiphany – it is really ok if I’m the only one who hears the music. As long as I enjoy sincerely, perhaps share my genuine feelings with my peeps as I can, then it’s alright. Matt has some awesome tunes I won’t hear, as does Blood (who’s actually quite good at sending care packs!) … guess it’s me letting go of the urge to keep all peeps in my spheres at the same level of ‘hey, that’s cool’ … not a horrible trait to have, but not the all encompassing pursuit it occasionally is for 13 minutes.
of course as I’m writing this I’m finding tracks to use as examples, the Water Caller’s take from me 1 minute 37 seconds for a tune called ‘durhamite’ that is just such a perfect example of serendipity in the universe – I make it here to Durham, fabulous people whom I’ve met put into words the emotions of finding a new home that makes you happy, and sing it for the whole world to hear! Not so for my time in Los Angeles, sadly.
EDIT – 11:02AM – I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!
PUSHED THIS LOVELY POST, HEADED TO KITCHEN TO TOAST UP SOME BREAKFAST, LISTENING TO 88.1 AND WHAT DO THEY PLAY????
GOT TO SAY I LOVE THIS TOWN…
How the hell are you?
Hope you’re doing good. things have been great yet somewhat heavy recently. friends and family with their own bouts of suffering and sadness, upheavals even. others having incredibly awesome times of their lives – as it’s ever been, right david b.?
I hope that in their travels all my friends and family make it along well, finding shade and cool drink on the hot days of our summer lives, or a warm cuppa & an encompassing blanket if perchance winter is right outside your door. damn fucking zen of me, ain’t it?
how about a picture of my dog blue?
yeah, from back in the day when we’d cage her &take her on a ‘short’ road trip to Rainbowville!
of course today you get a pic of Canela too. does she realize that she’s as important a part of our lives now, even though we miss her dearly? being taught about love is always an important and wonderful thing, no matter the pain. really do miss that pup – she had moxie!!
9:53am + 9June2012 = saturday morning, sunny, getting warmer, birds a chirp chirping outside the office windows
…had places to go, people to see, adventures to … er, advent!
Trash was put out, the sun was up, and I only looked sorta like an escaped mass murderer – not anything too scary. North I headed, but not as I have soooo many times recently before – instead this time I choose to take the local road. State routes, two-lanes twisting through towns and places, not flat fast soulless paths through states. I didn’t realize until I got back, but I certainly had made the right choice!
Change is good, change can do you good, change for change sake is the easiest way to make some change.
(long winded write ups with cool yet random photos are, on the other hand, perhaps just me doing what I do – feel free to click through to enjoy…)
(this is where the cut/jump ‘read more’ link failed to work. sigh)
But I ended up in a lovely road trip state of mind, taking in the chance of a frown-inducing storm (a reason Ramona & 9PTM made the trip with me, not the Pacific Coast), the curves and twists and ups and downs of rural Virginia.
Watched over by wings and tunes, I pass the Thai restaurant, the fire roasted pizza, and overpasses protected by motor-cops… to find my way to gas stations where the price wasn’t evil, and a young gun on a swift Suzuki was making tracks – up from Florida on his way to new jersey! Oh the memories that flooded in; but I wished him good travel and didn’t pull up a rocking chair.
Small towns tight up to the Blue Ridge Mountains, with drug stores and blue rooster candle maker shops.
Not the only set of wheels on the road, America is at work, with truck, trucks with trailers, and others making money with their time. Small towns with pretty flowers keep my eyes wide open under the fluffy clouds that failed on their earlier threats.
9PTM was as enthusiastic as ever, which is nice. I get concerned he can’t see out too well, but he’s never complained. Guess the prettiness of the Shenandoah national park and skyline drive area made him content.
Long fence lines, the lovely fields with the mountains in the background, seems like a slice of heaven laid out here on earth. Of course without a strong focus on where I was and where i was going we ended up taking a ‘shortcut’ up and over the mountains. Twisty fun roads indeed!
On the other side, past the tourism that big holes in the ground draw, an example of America’s race to the bottom sits in front of ma nature’s heights just beyond – conflicting feelings, that one. Of course, the scary stormy clouds out on the horizon also bring feelings.
Through the low parts of the valley, clouds covering the sky with white and grey, through drizzle on the highway, past classic pickups and backyard views to die for. Into the land of Mary with clouds a threatening, into a wet stormy patch entering William P’s space, up past the capital, the state route gives my heart hope that was lost on the highway.
Up along the river, with hilltops on the other side, where a man can stop and talk to his sister while a bubbling creek roars past, up towards a sha-mokin dam! Into the oncoming evening through lovely two-lane blacktop across the hill dotted night.
53degrees/65degrees on a Sunday morning, i return to my descriptions of a week away…
now it’s 10:27 and I’ve been poking about my pics, listening to Car Talk, generally enjoying an incredibly lovely Sunday morn – cool and sunny. yay! looking at using Flickr as photo bin…
Waking up to foggy mountains and crazy hair, 9PTM waiting to continue the trip, cleanHarbor trucks disappeared in the night. North, Onward!! we go, groggily into the coffee-free morning, in search of … the correct way to get where I want to be.
Random truth – somewhere in my boxes of many things is a piece of tile the same as that used on the space shuttles as a heat shield. I was rewarded with that for my knowledge of glass as an insulator of electricity when as a small kid the fam visited Corning’s glass museum… which has been totally redone, as I noted driving across a bridge and into the town proper. Boo’s gonna love visiting next spring.
Oddly, Corning was not the town I wanted to be in, as lovely as their bridges and old stone churches are, so I soared off to a town named for animal parts, and then up up and away, rt. 13 calling to me from my youth, and into the loveliness that is the finger lakes region of upstate. What a drive.
Ithaca is gorges, so say the stickers. Today it’s as modern and contemporary as any of the towns and cities I’ve skirted, though the solar panels on car dealerships, a slightly less snazzy pedestrian bridge, and the cool looking Sciencenter are of interest. Sometimes in my traverses I ponder what this all looked like to first visitors, looking down from a ridge line to see the long and skinny body of water called Cayuga.
But I trundle on, past the piggery (why didn’t I stop??) up the other side of the valley, then down the slope into the small towns and phoenix of books, past the golf courses with lovely views, and drive ins with all American food, into another small lovely educating town, amazed as always by the buildings, by the awesome attempts and saddening/maddening decrepitude that creeps through these towns, a noxious weed that hasn’t been dealt with well enough.
Thank goodness books are free!
Past homes from the late 1800s, to campgrounds and common places I ambled, farms and farmland lush in the springtime minted atmosphere, sunshine and clouds, a lovely breeze to keep 9PTM and me smiling as tunes played on.
Matt shares a shortcut/alternative path, and I say yes, Yes, YES!!! Because I don’t stray very far from my safe confines of the pleasant corral of my life. I know the boundaries, I know the corners of my box of life; not sure why I stopped (the times are long gone, I’m sure the reasons were sound and sad). Thankfully my life intersects with the well kept boxes of my friends, who have lovely homes, wonderful pups, and are filling fast with a joy, a hope, an essence of power I never knew existed. Stage of life giving wisdom to the truths of the universe? The physical universe pounding the corporeal cage of our minds into a moment to pause, a moment to notice the things that are truly important?
All I know is that a coy smile from the safety of the arms of their parents gives the super small proto-peeps an awe inspiring power – why yes, wee one, you will grow, you will raise up, we should do what we can right now for you for time is fleeting, the sun is lovely and the skies are endless in your future. Please don’t cry.
So we go for a walk, and I see a friend in his rightful place, again. Loved, loving, centered and focused as before but so so so differently now. Again, wisdom? Stages? Life!
Also, a tractor, outstanding in it’s field.
Choices we have all made have gotten us to this point, where I smile, a creek flows, flowers bloom and the earth shares a token of her might with us, so that we can share with others. The toes are washed in the cooling power of motion and liquid, the clouds dance across the fields of blue as the sun chases the horizon again, so time to nap says buddy, time to be says Lily, time is good says I.
Flowers, babies, trees, doggie on the grassy field of a springtime afternoon – all is right with the world in upstate new york.
Another day, I drive by another house of veterans, this one guarded by a cobra! On our way to a theater with blue men, past an aging (nicely?) institution that once had pizza that tasted great, but had a funny name.
Family’s gather, pizza is enjoyed, pup & peapod impress and make us smile. Sunshine filtered by leafs, amazing how nice nature can be. Moonlit clouds challenge my inner photographer, though I blame the equipment as all good journeymen must. The ‘nimals are not unsettled, they just keep doing what they like to do – perhaps a lesson we need to learn?
Mickeymatt has crafted and created, as is his way, and has some lovely woodcrafts coming together.
Shall we have some more pizza with family and friends? Why yes – yes we shall, and thanks Ma H, it is always wonderful to be in your company, to be in your home.
Springtime continues to give up her beauty and loveliness, while Utica has both improvements and indications that the climb has been tough, perhaps too tough. Visits can sometimes be tough, but always good, no matter how much the bag filled with emotions gets pummeled – do I blame stages again, or just the lovely springtime breeze? Both, sure.
Hail arrives, then departs. Voss’ continues as a touchstone of simple goodness (now expanded to the Utica Zoo!!), and an ice cream with my sister at B&F makes the evening wonderful, again.
I don’t want to leave, especially with the promise of smiles served all day, but alas, life must continue so I roll, 9PTM guarding our goods, south, out of town, past the halls where my youth transpired, past massive constructs put into the ground with hope and purpose, past the all American food, the first hobbit house I saw so long ago, into and along the path I rolled north on (why do I not change? Oh right, I will…)
I take turns, get lost, turn around, don’t run out of fuel, foolishly commit to a path that pushes hard back against me, yet I continue the clouds and sun and sky helping me understand.
Also, a car full of popcorn. Oh how I love America’s highways and byways.
I jaunt through Gettysburg – quaint little town, with an eerie history that’s been laid out for all to see. Spooky, sober, sad really. Almost apropos of the long weekend past … do we ever learn? Does it ever make a lasting impression? (see: scott wins the cold war! oops it’s warming up in the gulf; Kosovo; Somalia; the gulf again. how’s Afghanistan doing? did I mention Chechnya?)
Perhaps the sole benefit of having our small towns suffer at the hand of neglect is that the few buildings that are getting some love look fantastic – I can imagine the whole town looking that good.
South south I roll, out of Penn’s woods, darting into mary’s woods, across the Potomac to make a left into Virginia if I dare. The horse farms give way to desolate luxury, big homes far from town, the sun sets far away into the mountains.
More small towns dot my path, fireflies making me smile and ponder, too many bugs give their lives as I push push push to get home to my beloved, to Boo who gave me the time to roll around in my mind. To see things I have not seen, have seen not recently enough, to see the ones I cannot see again.
Home, later than I wanted to be, blue accepts my return, boo hugs me hard. Happy to have me home, I’m happy to be here.
2:21pm + Thursday = 7th June, 2012
78 degrees on a mostly cloudy durham afternoon
it’s long, it’s kinda … oddly written. think the pics kinda rock. had a blast on the trip and fun writing this up…
complete photo montage over at Picasaweb
the memories aren’t as sharp, but thank goodness for photos!
i just ran through the pics blood snapped 6 years ago. in vegas, baby!!
sharp dressed man and lovely lady. smiles of friends and family. the stills do no justice to the anxiousness, the motion, the chaos (yes, that’s an apt word) that surrounds a public commitment of promising. promising to be the best you can be during the times of our lives we have no idea about. no idea how things change, from the subtle (when last was I clean shaven regularly?) to the not so much (LA to Durham – who would have guessed?) to the Mack truck from nowhere (we’ll go with friends with babies, ’cause … wow.)
a party thrown in our honor, happiness at the top of the hotel, a skyline ablaze in man-made joy and colors and shapes. icy vodka and a cake that was as lovely to enjoy as it was a gift from the heart and soul of our friends.
when did I realize the ring was on my wrong hand?
6 years go by, and I am still in love with you Boo. Me is so very happy to part of us. Part of ‘we’.
Best wishes indeed…
10:56 + Wednesday = June 6th, 2012
well … well said sister. so very well said. (in case you don’t know, my sister is very well spoken, you should go visit her/our blog…)
I’ve taken well to the introduction of light and fast laptopin’ – the MBA really is an amazing machine. I highly recommend it to anyone.
Of course, it’s not all perfect – I needed to get a better monitor for my office / desk work (versus my ‘at the coffee shop’ work time) – and with a bigger monitor my desk felt smaller. So I committed to my investment by lucking into a discounted HP branded Ergotron monitor arm! Woot! (Or, in this case, Amazon!)
Gets the job done, and now I’m a constant nuisance to Boo as she works through the day.
this is an Aside format post