where the Blue-shaped hole in my heart aches so much …

 hi. My name is Scott. I’m grieving over the loss of our wonderful girl Blue. She … went to the vet’s and didn’t come home last year. She was very sick….
poor blue-girl …
I write strings of words that I think express how I’m.. .am. How I’m thinking. How I’m plodding along the path – must go through I think was advice offered a few years back. Never any advice (or awesome Rx to go along with that advice…) on where to put your eyes, or your hands, or your head (typically into said hands) … up shot, never been critiqued on the technique so I guess there’s that.
‘just gonna nap here … oh, the food dish, no problem, you can still reach it…’
I want to put up a pic. or 10,000 …
I want to share how awesome Bluedog was for us, to us, because of us.
I have a hard time looking at the pics – when should I not look at the ones 53 weeks ago, when we didn’t know? or 52 weeks ago, when we did?
If only she had been a pain to us for all those years.
occasionally, at least
what a trooper she was
the tears flood over the walls I’ve erected to hold them back. I’d let them all come, but I fear being washed away.
soooooooooooo much. sooooooooo many …. I take another breath. I blink away the tears, wipe away the tears, look forward to the unconscious sleep too many hours away. when I show up to tomorrow… when it’s not today. Not a year ago. When it’ll be easier, just a bit.
How’d I get this far? Oh, ya know, friends & their limitless love …
 miss you with all my heart … 
Too look up and not scream, maybe that’s the essence of hope
//sea of love, by catpower sings – thanks John R.//

}S{ | dona nobis pacem |
“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”

{{9:51a + 12Nov2013 = Tuesday morn || John on KEXP … playing songs that connect with my heart}}
soul laid bare || ache in my heart || missin’ our Bluedog…