30 + 1 is odd, as January heads into the sunset

from a frosty bed green escapes … or … fell down onto the frozen bed. One of the other. ~jan ’16

Living through a storm, when the typical becomes lost, the cold, frozen becomes the norm. How to hold onto hope that one day perhaps this will all go away?

We survive by keeping at it. By being lucky. By not succumbing to the fear and dread – getting through by going through so to speak.

{Mike Snow’s “Heart Is Full” from his album III is going to be in the top 10 for ’16 for me}

look up to see ~jan 16

Ah January, we will recall you fondly. Just as last January we survived with challenges met and lost, with pain and happiness, we shall find ourselves in February waiting for the next bout of shit, the next moment to find ourselves overjoyed.

I have this fear that I may have gotten myself to a place where I’m focusing on my friends’ wading through the shit of others with a thought of ‘keep at it, you’re doing great’, as opposed to ‘hey, let me help you step up and away from that …’

Can’t they step up and out?

Then I realize that no, they are bound to that path right now; the never ending struggle to lift their hearts up, their hearts chained to heavy weights that drag their focus down into the muck.

Fuck. I feel that my happy fucking pictures aren’t enough, my sunny disposition and outlook is exactly squat in the face of the onslaught. ‘Years from now they will know the truth – yay the permanence of our digital records!’ – but to get there is soooooo much slougging … will they have the strength? Will I have the strength?

We shall persevere! Also, coffee! ~Feb ’15

Past experience tells me yes, this too will be looked back upon.

flowers in spring ~apr ’15

Like the springtime blooming, we’ll get through the winter once more.

all you need is a plan ~apr ’15

Once we make it through, getting our feet unstuck from the muck and shit, we’ll breathe deep the soul cleansing air, and breathe.

Hold the ones you love dear close and tell them it’s going to be alright.


{{11:05a + 29Jan2016 = Friday morn || John plays Urban Dance Squad’s “Deeper Shade of Soul” from their Mental Floss for the Globe album on John In the Morning at KEXP}}

Is it odd that January has the highest hopes and some of the deepest despair?

you look intently, see much, know nothing. Jan ’16

Well, best intentions are what January are made of, yes? We’ll exercise and eat better and balance our check books. Read all the books we wanted to last summer, while writing thank you notes (or hell, the lovely ‘hello you, I think I’m lucky to know you’ cards I got last year) for the kind gifts from birthdays and holidays years gone by.

Me? Well, taking steps in the right direction. Respecting it’s the accumulation of all the little moves that help get you to where you want to be. Of course there’s often opportunities to jump and go big. That move has its own challenges, but as I look upon my dear friends and the past year they’ve had, you then get to deal with the new, different – better – challenges as best they can.

snow shadows Jan ’16

So we make it out of January, the snows come and go, and we stand.
We take careful steps along a potentially slippery path, plant our feet and hope for the best. Sometimes you slip and fall and hurt yourself. Sometimes you instead make it a fun afternoon outing with your friends and their kdis – sledding is AWESOME!!
But always we stand once more. We stand and look to our futures as we shake off the chains of past habit, past shadows and the pain they hold. We look up and forward. And stand.

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |

Snow isn’t Odd in January… it is a sign of hope

La Poste of La Lapine a la Alex … ~dec ’15 [postcard (c) Atelier Robert Dosinewu 1995]

Of snow flurries on a day too warm for the magic to stick around for long.
Of the Eiffel Tower & a bunny, sent by a wonderful friend whose note warmed my heart, my soul, as is normal when I recall the wonderful people in the world, and how lucky I am to know them.

Of a week where I didn’t write as often as I wanted, thanks ‘holiday crud’ as this low grade blech is now called. Weeee… Not that fun and photos and thoughts and worries haven’t taken up some of my time. Now that would be a different Holiday

Did I mention we did ‘adult like’ house maintenance, and really, Boo gets all the credit for actioning on this situation. I was definitely in the wait and worry camp.

Under the house, under the gun…

Boo gets ready to snake …

It’s a wonderful thing to take on a problem, a challenge, and be successful. I truly am afraid most of the times, an issue I suspect I need to chat with my Boy Doctor about, but… perhaps just cautious, eh?

After a fabulous beginning to the weekend two back – a 12 hour Intergalactic Bowie Day celebration, the world showed up for the shock of the following Sun/Mon … man that sucked.

Good sir Bowie returned to the stars, and Hans Gruber will never fall again. Sad things at the beginning of year we hoped would be strikingly positive. Perhaps a note to make us notice – love those close by, let those you love who are far away know. Perhaps it’s time for a few postcards, eh?

“Modern Love” plays as I ponder how to say ‘hi’ and ‘how you doing?’ in a manner that imparts that I actually care a lot about you, about how you’re doing, how you’re coping. No one I know won the big prize, yet we all woke up the next day, so there’s that.

Close amigos had to deal with the next chapter in the pursuit of bullying free parenting – quite a challenge frankly. It’s awful to see my friends suffering, but there seems to be glimpses of light in the dark cloud, with arrangements being enforced that will allow objective reports of ‘yeah, wow – totally fucked up. No, really.’ to be submitted for official review. Hope. Perhaps, even, that at the end of this all, those who’ve bullied their way through life will know what it feels like to have true judgement laid upon them,

{{10:44a + 17Jan2016 = Sun morning || Riches & Wonders from the Mountain Goats’ All Hail West Texas album}}

{{10:50a + 29Jan2016 = Friday morn, looking at words I’ve smithed, deciding to push …}}

Monday mornings can offer hope, happiness and shocks, oddly in January

blood leaves town to find solace ~jan ’16

So, different tone today, and holy damn I will have to let all this settle.
Love and Information at Manbites Dog was amazing.
David Bowie shuffles off this mortal coil, and the coil tilts.

//Changes by Bowie – found in The Breakfast Club movie, opening quote – we’re quite aware what we’re going through //

How do you describe pain?
question raised at Love and Information last night
answer I ponder as a friend in pain seeks relief

on a morning the world tilts, the pup still needs a walk ~jan ’16

{8:24a + 11 Jan 2016 = Monday Morn || KEXP just did a set of My Bloody Valentine, Richard Hell, Lou Reed, and David Bowie – and Lazarus from his last album plays now, thanks DJ Miss Ashley … wow}

{{10:46a + 29Jan2016 = Friday morning, noting a post I didn’t finish … but I’m going to push anyway}}

jan||even: why do we stop at stop signs?

do they mean chris cross, or upset? ~ jan ’16 ColVil/Durhamtown

it’s the unspoken social contract, eh? a community’s agreed upon acceptable behavior?

Contracts. Agreements. Norms.
Understandings. Beliefs. Concepts. Wishes.

Want to know a secret?
I do the exact same thing that I end up taking righteous umbrage at, rolling (cautiously) through neighborhood stop signs.

Want to hear another one?
When I get frustrated at things not going according to my desires/wishes/plan (which is really good plan, let me assure you – really all inclusive, conscientious goalpost where everyone gets to a happy/better place) –  I yell. Loudly. With much emotion, and vitriol. And anger. And not all that much control.

Turns out on the far side of my late 30s, I’m kind of a royal asshole.

Did you know that about me?

‘Cause it took a few extra serious moments over the past few years for me to come to that unassailable conclusion.
Sadly, see me blather on the time I killed my Mitsubishi Ramona. Sigh.

I literally had to be sitting in a car, on fire, to think ‘huh, I may need help’ – turns out that was a very good thought. Turns out Anger Kills – turns out I am very lucky, I am very loved. Nearly 18 months along this particular path, I’m at the point where I can say “wow, I’m going to have to work hard on this.”

My friends have not – thank god – had to sit in a car that was on fire.
My friends, their acquaintances & loved ones have the knowledge, the ability, and the history to understand that counsel is needed at certain times in life.

All of us understand what it takes to make a goal, the effort and time and hard work it takes.
Ask me about my brave run through a bear-filled forest over on Duke’s West Campus.

It took effort and a willingness to sweat in public
It took friends and family to get my ass out from behind my computer
It took kind new awesome peeps and some duck tape
It took watermelon and fancy nails 🙂

Hard work. A goal. Support. Willingness to suffer. Willingness to show the unappealing side in public. That got me to 5K in under an hour!! AND I lived to tell the tale!!

Huh, perhaps somewhere in this world they have Group Therapy Runs, eh? Only slightly more appealing than the Legal Grind shop in LA; good coffee, but not $50 for a cup and 30 mins of legal advice good. Except for those who needed the legal help.

Pretty sure I don’t want to be an asshole; certainly don’t want to be one to Boo, or to my friends, or to my family. But there I am. Blending misconceptions with blissful ignorance and intense focus on things not at all important. Self-images that are bruised and damaged from times long lost to common memory.

Not that the facts couldn’t have been read by any semi-intelligent observer. But … you’d have had to have been pretty close to Hobbit House to hear it. Or LexHause. Or HellHouse. Or Planb126. Or our nice place out Arcadia way … (or quietly at Dan & I’s MoVill digs, can’t really recall our Shady grove tone; Knoxburg days … maybe?? Oh, Sunnyville days – er, yeah. Sorry Pam, et al …)

So what happens next? Where does this path take me? Once you can get your head around the truth – the fact – that you’re not the best person you want to be. Once you can stop distracting yourself with all the interesting things you can do with your time as a human on Earth in the 21st century, how do you go forward? Ever – seemingly at times forever – onward, sometimes forward. Been saying that for a bit.

But I did get up this morning and feed Hali and walk her about our damp yard.

Nap time!!
did she want to get up? no. want kibble … well, duh – yes, always, please!!

Going to help out friends with their weekend joys, then run off and work at Manbites Dog tonight.

Love & Information this weekend …

Come Monday morn, I’ll be back at the office, grinding away at the bills. Because … I’m all grown up, right?

Somewhere along the line the promise that the world is run by adults who knew what they were doing kind of fell apart. Don’t think I was raised a fool, but have been very foolish for a very long time.

Here in the present day, we stop at stop signs. Because sometimes the cross traffic will not stop, and the resulting outcome of a game of physics is bad. Real bad.

//minor tie into yesterday’s amazing David Bowie love-a-thon on KEXP, listening to Macklemore + Lewis’ “Growing Up (Sloane’s Song)” … //
“The quickest way to happiness? Learning to be selfless
Ask more questions, talk about yourself less
Study David Bowie, James Baldwin and 2Pac
Watch the sun set with best friends from a rooftop
Wear a helmet, don’t be stupid,jaywalk, but look before you do it
If it snows, go outside, build a jump, get some help
Get a sled, thrash the hill with your friends, ’til it melts
Go to festivals, camp, fall in love and dance
You’re only young once, my loved one, this is your chance
Take risks, cause life moves so fast”

Sure, I’ll take advice from lyrics – have all my life.

“I’m still growing up” the chorus echoes as the song runs out …

Well, this rambled a bit. My friends need fewer assholes in their lives. We all do. So I hope – and it’s not with a concrete vision of how it turns out – that I continue to grow this year, to add to my abilities & skills this year, perhaps to keep up at this word-smithing, to become better at hitting the goal of the idea I’d like to share with you all.

I know it’ll take effort. I know I’ll fail – probably a lot. But … this is the important thing I guess I’ve been unwrapping – if I don’t take a gander at what ‘forward’ might be (what I want it to be) then I just may be stuck in the ‘onward’ phase for much longer than I want to be, going places that only hamper the efforts of all those who are near and dear to me.

Be good to yourselves – look for the signs that you might want to heed, be it for societal benefits (no, really – stop) or for the betterment of your best self.


:: s :: | vivere militare est |

“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”

PS – so, know how in a wood shop you can take a really good piece of lumber, work on it for hours/days, and turn it into something beautiful and useful?

Well, in the ‘word shop’, so to speak, you also get the saw dust and wood chips you’d find in the real world. I’ll try to find a broom and sweep these up next time, but hey – who knows, you might find a shaving down here that looks EXACTLY like Aunt Edna – how weird, right? However, you’re just as likely to find a pale copy of Walt’s ‘Handy Dandy First Aid rag’, or perhaps a tip of a finger. But just the tip.

I become oh so livid at those idiots who roll right through the stop sign outside Hobbit House. Don’t they KNOW??!! Dangerous. Kids to be harmed. Cars to smash into. They are obviously wreckless assholes who need to be not only told that, but punished – fines, jail time, very bad words associated with their characters, notes placed in the PERMANENT RECORD, even.

wait – that’s not really a secret.

That I am just as bad at certain stop signs, which are placed, as far as I can tell, willy nilly in spots that obviously there’s never any kids playing. or cars on inbound vectors to the crossroads of havoc and mayhem. So I kinda slow down, do a nice California roll through, and carry on. Perhaps I AM the wayward son. I know that I hold myself to be a very good driver. I know I am observant.

But I do exactly what I take umbrage at. How come? That’s weird, isn’t it?

{{12:13p + 9 Jan 2016 = Saturday noon || Scott spins Marc Cogman’s ‘You’ll Never Work In This Town Again’ from Albatross … ’cause holy shit he’s a talented musician/writer…}}

I”m back … it was a bit tough to focus and write yesterday. ‘Cause it turns out the David Bowie – he’s a god. Us mere mortals are lucky bastards to be able to listen to his gifts. Just kind of amazing.

But back to you – how the fuck are you?

+++ every thing below here is PURE GOLD!!! – but … well, did you know that gold is naturally found stuffed deep inside other rocks? and that it’s not like a granite boulder with a perfectly formed gold bar inside – nope. Just like what you find below 🙂  +++

//ok – I will have to get back to how the fuck we make the world a better place TODAY, but first I’m gonna have to speak to the fact that KEXP’s John In the Morning Show is celebrating Intergalactic David Bowie Day right now, leading with a new track from his new album (dropped today) – followed up with Major Tom … and I’m dropped hard – HARD – into 1985/6 upstate new york, dark winter days, odd teen daze, Bowie tapes in my rust colored Nova as I drove way too many hours around small parts of Oneida county … crisp clear winter nights, snow for miles, Diamond Dogs, or Changes, or Dream Jeanie … Blood got me to this; Blood almost always gets me to a good place in music. So much thanks to the great Pacific Northwest this morn for a really good dose of nostalgia. I’ll shortly descend the paths into ‘what the hell was I doing?’ which takes me to ‘what the hell am I still doing?’ … which will be stopped by my calm adult voice saying ‘hey, you made it to here. don’t be so hard on yourself. it’s all pretty ok, frankly, all things concerned. go get a cuppa, settle down, rock out in your mind to some of Bowie’s best – Ziggy, perhaps? – and get back to work’. I like my adult voice.//

gah – turn and face the strange changes! there’s some damn good advice
things change – you change – and though controlling how you react is one way of thinking about it, as a human/animal, it’s really hard. Really hard.

Sometimes it takes a near tragedy for you to stop. Not because it’s a good idea, a social construct, the law. It’s time to stop out of self preservation – ask me how I know.

@9:53, Ziggy transports me back to … can’t afford the ticket back from suffragette city … blasting Route 171 in the nova … where the hell was I going??

NOw I’m told that Bowie influenced Reed/VU??!! well damn …

{8:57a + 8 Jan 2016 = Friday morn || unknown overnight DJ at KEXP spins Trentemoller’s Take Me Into Your Skin from The Last Resort that was Released in 2006 by Flat Recordings}
{Intergalactic David Bowie Day || god I love KEXP… thanks John R.!!}

{David Bowie’s Suffragate City from The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars totally amazing! @ 9:53a + 8 Jan ’16}

{Ziggy Stardust … wow – holy fucking wow. @10:09a}

{er, Iggy, the passenger, produced by Bowie. Well fuck … @10:37a)

January||Odd: when you look at things, you have to be willing to see what’s there

Hello mr. 2011 – 5 years ago

Seeing is powerful. Perhaps why I like photos so much – you can look and look and look…

Finding love in a snapshot can be easy.

family preparations in Loggieland, circa Dec 2010

Finding beauty in a snapshot can be both easy and hard.

well, ugliest butterfly ever, but a pretty butter-wolf! MOLS, circa Summer ’08

Finding humor, on the other hand…

run, run for your life … circa Dec ’10

… that sometimes takes a story to be told.

Can you see a story? Can you see the truth? Can you see the facts?

This looks lovely –

why howdy Los Angeles, how are you back in spring of ’02?

but it came from this place …

Hill-house became hell-house …

a place that Boo and I don’t speak of often, because it’s behind us. We had a time here, and it was a difficult time.

What did people see when they saw us there? What did people say to Boo about how I was acting? Did anyone see or notice? Did anyone care to know?

halloween ’02, a gathering of equals

See, this place was a challenge to my ability to control my ‘life’ – in that we had roommates, I tried to be kind & thoughtful; others were not up to my level on those things.
I asked for a simple action – not in the house – prefer not to have my shit seized by the cops. ‘no problem’ I heard.
I have no idea what was going on when 300 people had a party, but I know they trampled the garden Boo had planted. I know I drove to Oxnard to see the ocean instead of being at my house.
I know I took actions – and I can share the reasons; but here’s the rub – I was a total asshole about it all. I couldn’t bend – why should I? I was being an adult, wasn’t I?

sigh …

so long ago – such a different person, such a different place in my life.

Oct ’02 – she looks happy. That’s what I see.

What I know now, perhaps she wasn’t so happy – certainly not with me. I’m really glad she had good peeps in her life, really glad she has good peeps in her life now.

Seeing something. Is the picture the shorthand? I mean, some things don’t change, and that’s really really good.

Boo takes comfort with Gustopher, circa spring ’10

{11:46a + 7Jan16 = Thursday mid day || John at KEXP streams Concrete Blonde’s Tomorrow, Wendy, from Bloodletting released in 1990 by I.R.S. Records}

Other times things change – change did happened in LA. We ended up at LexHaus, where – sadly, honestly – adventures in assholery continued. Ask me about broken wrist sometime. Or how I loved the FedEx peeps. Or the recording studio peeps. Sigh.

Can I look at things and see – honestly – what’s there? Can I assess what is there honestly? I smile, so I look happy; but I don’t want to weigh what I weigh. Past few nights strolling with Hali around the block has me looking …

does that mean a size ’40’ ‘Tight’? ’cause yeah, that would be correct 🙂

…good? happier? alive? – all that is good, and I don’t have a picture to look at, but I see it if I honestly think about it. That’s a step in the right direction, I hope.

Which continues our stroll in this direction – how to help my friends when they need help.

How to help others see the honest facts that my friends are facing, coping with as well as they can. How to be (or become) the person I want to be, which is someone who stands with their friends when shit happens, even when it gets bad. Stands with them because they’re worth standing with.

They’re not evil.They’re doing the best they can in harsh/toxic environs and when they point out the challenge, they’ve been harangued. That’s fucked up.

When faced with certain conventional wisdom – such as ‘do it for the kids’ – it’s easy to understand the focus. It’s the kids – not the adults, right? When commanded to do what’s “in the best interest of the child” that should be simple enough.
Happy, healthy, well-adjusted, safe and secure.
Concepts where there’s both basic and intricate understanding of what those word mean, what concepts those words are short-hand for.

How do you stay involved and demanding when the situation is total and complete crap?

days when Boo rode to work … circa summer ’10

When you can’t cut and run, what the hell do you do? What the hell do you do to share the other side?

ah fuck – this is the actual point – how do you stop the abuse if you are pressured to remain silent?

Can you understand that, sometimes, unless you look really hard, you might not see that at times life can be harsh, and when people cry it may be because they’re actually in pain; pain & suffering caused by the actions of a specific person? Can’t we call that shit out?

Therapy doesn’t work unless the abuser wants to change. They don’t want to change which is the reason you left them in the first place.

It’s all a fucked up place where we end up with this hell of a phrase – “pseudo-marriage from hell” 

which frankly is spot on.

Of course, then there’s the issue of “family” in harsh situations, eh?

Brothers, 3 of 5, filled with … family connection. spring 2010

Pain and suffering is hidden on instinct. That’s a shitty instinct, but understandable.

Look and see.
Be honest.
Not shaming, but … providing context.

I have this echoey thought that the good folks who stand with/against the protesters at Planned Parenthood are doing it right. Can’t quite figure out the process when it’s more specific, more personalized, but that’s what I’m working towards.

fancy dining for a fancy man. WaDuke high tea with friends, circa spring ’12

We’ll put on our adult clothes, we’ll have an adult meal, and we’ll deal with mean people who abuse my friends in an adult-like manner, eh?

Wow – this is getting deep and dark. So how about this to end on?

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted” ~Aesop’s Fables

which is a nice truth. Thanks Mutts!


{8:53a + 7Jan2016 = Thursday morn || KEXP gives me DJ Sean spinning this – The Walkabouts
Forgiveness Song, Devil’s Road, Released in 1996 by Virgin Records America before John takes over…}

{1p to 1:15 p || Cheryl at KEXP spins this bunch – I feel good, energized – 
Tim Armstrong / Wake Up / A Poet’s Life / Released in 2007 by Hellcat Records
Underworld / Rez/Cowgirl / Everything, Everything / Released in 2000 by Junior Boy’s Own
Neil Young & Crazy Horse / Cinnamon Girl / Live Rust / Released in 1979 by Reprise Records}

Even in January: search for answers, feel bad for mistakes, learn how to cope …

grand prize winning festive lighting for framily – check!

How to cope better was integral to last nights chat, since the minor epiphany was that – Hey – we’re actually all coping at this very moment!! – just, we’d like to cope better.

Some have great ways of coping …

sometimes a warm sweater is needed

Others, well … not so much. If it was – and this is also the biting truth – only them who had to face the consequences of their poor coping skills, well – boo-hoo for them. But it’s not. Perhaps part much experience and a little dash of wisdom, but it turns out things just may all be interconnected, impact transfers energy.

Of course, keep you head up, look up – look to this day.

my mind is a clear blue sky, clouds float in, clouds float out…

There’s been this current of bad mojo, of repeated mea culpas of ‘So sorry, I wasn’t right. It won’t happen again’ when bad behavior is noted (the impact at times hurtful and tragic) and called out.

oh – guess what? I am at fault of this shitty behavior as anyone. I do it to the ones who are closest and most loved.

I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure I know I need to work on it – certain positive changes have happened in the past few years, such as my ability to traverse the crazy streets of San Triangle with a reduced level of murderous rage, thanks in part to my boy doctor Peter and his guiding hand.

But I hold no malice in my heart for individuals. No scheme to demean and demoralize my family and friends. It happens and I’m frustrated by it, by where I am, my inability to find a way to “better” – and boy do I use the numerous first world problems I sink my teeth into vs. actually coming up with better ways to deal with my challenges, to cope.

In my realm, though, as it has increased in tenor and tenacity over the same few years, there’s been a very loud ‘hey, don’t call me out on that – it was (enter excuse here – traumatic times, I felt threatened, I felt out of control, you don’t like me, you are out to hurt/steal/destroy me, you’re ready to not try …) – and it all sucks sooooo much.

lucy being packed
sometimes you’re the cat, sometimes you’re the box

That photo above is from a time of much chaos and strife in my life. Seems it took only about a decade for me to see what it all was. Even now, lo these many many many days and nights later, I don’t think I know what actually was wrong, or what should have happened – it was all quite crazy.

At that time, the person who I was, the available reach to who I could be, all that didn’t mesh with what was happening. I didn’t have the words, the wisdom, the intelligence or the courage to say ‘help – it’s not working and I don’t know why’; and if I had had any of that, would I have been able to accept the only two choices any of us ever truly really have – stay or go? Who knows, the past being behind us. Thankfully, muddling through all of that with stubborn ignorance and impotent rage was easy; I’ve got that skill set handled!!!

We’ve been using bully in our conversations. Know what sucks? It may be better to go to the more appropriate language of “abusive” – and that’s fucked up..

“An abusive individual rarely takes responsibility for any negative situation they may cause” – well, yeah – I’ve seen that recently. As such, how do you deal with them when you HAVE to deal with them? There’s no choice to go – you have to stay. Suggestions?

The whole “Use non-emotive language and stick closely to the facts.”, or the “do not engage the bully”, and the “‘Bullies want power and control over you because they lack it in some aspect of their own lives.” – all of these are great points, valid strategy

But here’s the rub – what if you have to deal with them? Doesn’t it at some point become an urgent point of action to make them stop, make them get help?

Thankfully we left that place of much stress, and gathered ourselves into our own place…

lexhaus mit autos
a place of our own, a place to grow … hollywood circa ’03

Growing allows you to work what you’ve learned into how you cope and deal. Growing allows for the fixing of bad ways and building / learning new ways.

of course, even if you go extinct, have hope that you will be useful. Colorado circa Jan ’01

So, a post with lots of words, some pictures – the point of all is this – we should figure this shit out so we can enjoy all the great things in our lives.

blue sky, palm trees, sunset in a different time and place circa one decade on, Dec ’05/hollywierd

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |

{8:51a + 6Jan2016 = Wed morn || KEXP plays Phantogram’s As Far as I Can See from their Eyelid Movies album}{4:01p + 6 Jan 2016 = Wed afternoon ||as KEXP streams The Mountain Goats The Ballad of Bull Ramos from All Hail West Texas }

Oddly, a second post in January … on friends and loss and sadness and hope.

Quincy ready for a road trip
Oh the adventures we’ve all had Quinc-i-nator. You will be missed… Dec, Quince, Boo at LexHaus/Hollywood circa Mar ’07

Yesterday was a good day for me. Then it became a sad day for me, when Boo told me that our friend Declan had to say goodbye to his beloved pup Quincy over the weekend.

Damn …

Quincy loves trucks...
why hello there you beautiful creature you … Quincy in Dec’s truck circa Feb 2007

Quincy … how do you describe the love of a pup?
How do you describe the love you have for the soul that helped you learn to love another, to love better? Damn …

Quincy and Blue
Quincy & Blue, LexHaus/Hollywood, circa Feb ’07

Miss you guys, as I have for years now.
Hope ya know you made me a better person. Hope is often found at the end of a leash, or against your leg, or in your lap. With the two above, hope often showed up in the amount of wet hair about their heads and faces – the fun they had.

Sadness, loss, friends, time … and it builds upon the hope that in your life – in my life – we will have those who can make us look up during the darkness, to think about the good things when there are too many bad things. Those agents of love who make you think ‘wow – I can own a dog’ and because of that you think ‘wow – I can get behind this whole you, me and the pups make three (or four) thing’ which leads to a new years long ago when Boo said ‘yes’ … and with no knowledge of how it would turn out, we grabbed the leashes, held hands and boldly walked forward.

Quincy was an immensely important part of that part of my life, my transition from me to us – and I am grateful I had a fun, kind, gentle guide during that time.

That experience allows me to know that there is hope, and with hope amazing things can happen.

{wow … John – thanks. on KEXP as I edited this post to add notes on hope – “Sigur Rós / Med Sud I Eyrum / Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum ’cause The Morning Show with John Richards – I’m sure it’s coincidence. I’m sure Quincy would like the tune..}

To Dec & Beth & all who loved the Quincy, all my love.

:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |

“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”

{8:31am + 5 Jan 2016 = Tuesday morning || KEXP plays Margo Price / Desperate and Depressed /
Midwest Farmer’s Daughter ’cause of the Variety Mix with Hans show}

Occasionally … in January, I say ‘To the beginning we shall commence, to what end we know not’

as the day starts … the moon hides in the tree

My day starts … my week starts … my year starts … dark, but clear, hope overflows into the clear sky above. Rolled to work, parked and turned off the headlights – noticed that and found it odd. OK, but odd.

trees and clouds, winter is in the air

We’ve started this circuit around the glowing warm thing once more, once more into the unknown my friends. Hazard a guess at how we make out this time?

My friends have endured, and I think they’ve become stronger. My innocence has been challenged on a number of fronts – looking at you, legal fun times!! Looking at you my misplaced wallet, vanished phone … ok. NOT looking at those. Sigh.
may we find time to play, paths to follow, ways to overcome the obstacles

Holidays were good – odd experience at times balanced so exquisitely by sheer joy and goodness. Truly a nice way to wrap a tumultuous year. A break from the day to day grind, some cooties keeping my energy focused inward, still got to hang and celebrate with friends and framily, with good food and good fun.

time for celebration

Bike riding. Luminaries in the park. Phone calls with friends and family. Tales of fun road trips and adventures. Facebook posts of loving gatherings, joy filled hope, fascinating places to look and go towards.

durhamtown likes to make the darkness pretty

even in daylight durhamtown looks good
Birthdays. Hanukkah & Christmas. New Years.
Car troubles, phones becoming lost, finders not finding things, losing their Seeds of Happiness. Not the best of times.

Go for a walk in your town – enjoy what you see …

a few flakes down at the local sammy shop

Major likes his tree, I like the flakes downtown

Have fun dinners with American Tobacco, enjoy the drive by of glowing balls, love on your animals with all you heart.

festiveness is all around us
they dangled from trees without any sound
and so I have a mission for 2016!

Go for a drive, but don’t forget to come back home.

make the correct turn

Of hungry hippos and fireworks, both are enjoyable from a certain distance. Don’t lose a finger is what I’m saying.

to celebrate light fuse

dragons they said used to breath fire

they’re so hungry

  • New phones with fun features, tasty food with friends, helping friends with their animals, missing loved ones who are far away, not so far away, and no longer here.
  • Wish the best of the joy to friends, friends’ moms, and strangers. Watch out for doggies who live to piddle on you 🙂
  • Shop for gifts, for smallest cutest clothes that make all the world happier. Be astounded by the piles of gifts fit for the wee’st of princesses!
  • Revel in the kindnesses of your friends, watch the sparkly of lights held high, slow down and say ‘yay’ once or thrice …
  • Swing with a small fry, watch the fry pedal pedal pedal, feel amazed.
  • Strange weather, strange actions from people I used to know, general lack of smoothness for the overall arc of the end of the year; and yet here we are, ready to go again.
  • Have a play at your birthday party but only if the princesses choose to, while remembering to make the best of what you have because you don’t know what will be returned to you.
  • Don’t forget to start the new year with the ones you love, having a delicious meal & soaking up the sunshine.
So as we make our way into the new year, keep your chin up, vow to be as strong as you can in the face of the headwinds, go as far as you can when the wind is at your back, and be kind to the children an animals – they truly have no idea what the world is about.
And enjoy the end of the day – you’ve earned that, you deserve that!
a lovely moment hopefully once a day


:: s :: | vivere militare est |

“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”

{11:39am || KEXP John In the Morning show, on the monday of mondays ||DJ Comment: Happy birthday, Michael Stipe! || R.E.M./The One I Love/Eponymous/Released in 1988 by I.R.S. Records}