Mornings in October … ah October, you glorious bastard!

change in the sunlight, @ HH, 2016
“out of control” sings the boys from Dublin – 
I fought fate / There’s blood on the garden gate / The man said childhood / It’s in his childhood
One day I’ll die / The choice will not be mine / Will it be too late / You can’t fight it
I was of a feeling it was out of control / I had the opinion it was out of control”
Ha, well said good sir Bono, well said.
Watched all of 10 minutes of the debate last night.
Talked to blood earlier – nice to hear her voice.
Noticed as I went to bed that dates are here, once more.
Ah, the life of the guy with the dates …
still life of branches and clouds, @ HH, 2016
I’m so very full of thoughts and emotions.
I’ve been a bear, a bear covered in quills, a bear covered in quills on an ant hill, caught in a trap, furiously attempting to control my frustrations.
I suspect all of that is not missed by those close.
I suspect all of this is – though understandable, rational – quite the pile of misery for Boo and friends and framily.
ha – at least I’ve let go. There’s that, right?
sunlight and shadows, moments before hate & bullying win, @ DCCH, 2015
how to mix hate and sadness and love and frustration and hopefulness and hopelessness?
how to handle yet another 10th month, where chaos typhoons flail all that stand still, all who poke their heads up to see what’s what, where they are, where they want to be? 
//Down in It by Nine Inch Nails from the album Pretty Hate Machine//
“I was up above it” – oh yes, Trent, I believe that at one point I was clear where I stood, where I was. Never so sure about where I was going, but at least where I stood.
That, sadly, has gone with the wind.
When I see the effect that sanctioned, authorized bullying has on the lives of friends; how the ‘rules’ and ‘law’ are just really words, not even fuzzy ideas – money rules. Period.
I feel sad that I’m too weak to take the high road.
I feel bad that my grip is tight and unyielding on the bad actions and bad actors in the recent act of my life. Is that me paying attention? is that me giving in?
with certitude I sat and waited. see what a foolish man I was. @ DCCH, 2015
I listen to music, I write words, I am here now – I know what’s coming, I know what I’ll feel. 
I’m not sure what’s going to happen, and I haven’t let myself feel that unlit corner of the room I’m in at the moment – I know there’s a trap door over there, I also know there’s a doorway – I just … haven’t gazed into that chamber.
“It’s not symbolic, it’s just human nature” – from “Times To Die” by Car Seat Headrest from the album Teens of Style; “we’ve all had better times”
So, how do we go forward from here? Ever Onward, sometimes Forward, eh?
I guess by taking one breath, then another. Repeat as necessary.
//10:08 + 20Oct2016 = Thursday morning || John plays “(We Used to Feel) Higher” by Little Children from the album f.f//