Gutenberg, from which a lot of Truth, a lot of happiness, lies & pain.
what if something different was discovered – mockingbirds that were recorders, butterflies that changed into images with a magic saying. what would our lives be like.
::s::
quickly. from mt90.com/wp – not where I want, but it looks like I have it all so that’s a win, yesh? clean up on aisle ‘holy-shit-for-nearly-20-years-blather-blogging-batshit!’ – also hello world, you motherfuckers – what the hell. where’s our jetpacks? ::s::
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| hyper realistic skies over durhamtown – ~november ’18, durhamtown (duh) |
an important, crucial, serious occurrence. If there was a plan I’d go so far as to say “a change in plans” – alas, without said plan sadly, that’s not to be.
It was a bit of a grey day today – rainy, chilly now that fall has arrived. The day lived up to most every expectation unfortunately. At least it wasn’t the nicest day of the year, eh?
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| a town in flux – ~nov. ’18, central park durhamtown |
I hate being elusive in my posts – isn’t that what we use VagueBook for?
I only type tonight because it’s a thearputic outlet. I like having my brain make words that – on occasion – happen to capture my feelings, my thoughts and ponderings. I moment of my life, noted. Say, so you can recall what was occuring 2, 6, 10 years past. Embrace the grimace, acknowledge that if you life long enough every day will be ‘a day’ – just some are much better than others.
Today wasn’t really tough – not really a challenge.
but today marks a significant date, and I hope we will look back years from now and see how far we’ve come. From the baseline of now, to the heights and depths of then. Wish us luck, eh?
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| fall sunset over durhamtown – nov. ’18 |
ciao,
//9:44p+13November2018= Tuesday eve || the sound of the house, keyboard clicking, boy having a little cry, puppy on the couch in sweater (the sound of joy) and my inner howling, hoping to not awake alicia as she slumbers//
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| of human endeavors, of looking to the heavens – durhamtown, Oct ’18 |
Pittsburgh. Synagogue. Couldn’t recall their level of faith.
Google took me to words written, a description of the life after – ‘retrofitting a hundred-year-old Victorian house in Pittsburgh’s East End’
Google ‘pittsburgh east end‘ – see that it’s a few places in town (wonder if the tree-house apartment, from where a short jaunt to a ceremony in New Hampshire started and ended) – damn, close to Squirrel Hill. damn.
More googlin’ because … because why? I certainly didn’t want to be associated, aquainted with such pain and horror. Others in my life had strange qualities of ‘being there’ for the worst of our recent-memory atrocities; at the time it was surprising, now I see it as concerning.
No.
As much as I know more of myself now than I did then my sincere hope has always been to be a good person, and as such I ponder those folk I’ve known, I ponder their welfare and hope – hope all is well.
Google allows an amount of knowledge which isn’t good – but I see – a sigh of releif – I see the current arc of their life is not in western Pennsylvania. I am okay with that, with the prying to find out… still, I will look at the names, worried that the good people I had met might have been in harms way.
they were not.
At times I feel like a simple and small man. Raised with minor challenges mostly of my own device. Loved and supported when I probably should have been allowed to flounder, suffer a bit.
I feel great … something (bet there’s a great Yiddish phrase) – ignorance which was not a bad thing to have – for I was not raised to fear those different than myself; be it a heartfelt lesson given from the heart from my parents and family, or … well, perhaps the side effect of chocolate covered sugar bombs and lots of Saturday morning cartoons.
The church with the funny christmas lights out front on Gennesee street, just down from the New Hartford town line. The lights were straight across – sometimes only one was lit – how odd.
How odd. That was the sum total of the judgement I brought to the situation – I noticed, I pondered compared to my world, and thought ‘perhaps the bulbs had burned out’.
See – ignorance. Massive. But … not ill-minded, not with malice. Just – I didn’t know.
Even after Pat and Lisa and Jonathan, all of the Island, such strong examples – I wonder what they thought of my bumpkin-ness. Jonathan was always given cab fare to get home; we didn’t have cabs (of course we did, I just rode my bicycle everywhere); Jonathan had two kitchens in his home and if I recall would occasionally bury the silverware – I didn’t know, I didn’t ask (that perhaps is the one true fallacy of my benevolent ignorance) – it seems odd, but then again – they went to movies where they threw rice & toilet paper – such wild and seemingly crazy differences between the city and Upstate, eh?
I laugh a little at the fondness the Tribe has had for me – truly they were overly kind, are overly kind. I am not the best example, but my heart is true, my ignorance merely an offshoot of my laziness. Apparently I was good enough. The Tribe has always been welcoming. It made the hatred expressed seem so … woefully ignorant.
these paragraphs above are about me.
I don’t have the words for how Boo has been hurt.
I don’t have the thoughts for how my life, now as a parent, is under duress. Good madam Lis made a post that punched me in my heart. I am extremely lucky, privelaged, untouched by the madness of cultural animosity merely by chance.
My son – merely by chance – will see the world through a different lens, he will see the hatred of strangers directed at him and his because … ?
I understand the concepts, I understand the ‘situation’ – but I am not talented enough to be able to speak to what this means. I hope I can learn enough to be helpful someday. It hurts my mind to start down the road of ‘we exist, yet there are those who not merely want us not to exist, but take actions to bring that to fruition’ – just what the fuck, where to start?
How to speak to it and yet still hold out hope for a better future? A better world?
I looked for a name, and was sadly happy when it was not on the list.
The list is small, but the names – the people on the list, they seem to have been mighty.
Much better words and stories have been made in these last 48 hours – if you’re here go read them.
One speaks of good sir Fred – how he lived in the same neighborhood – how the Tree of Life was part of his neighborhood, and how a wonderful example of such a good neighborhood to have. That one hurt to read.
A post about his doctor, who had compassion to go with his knowledge, who cared – and was able to save the man’s life during a time in America when his life wasn’t valued in the least.
Much better words.
it’s nature’s path to create gems and jewels from intense pressure, right? perhaps Rumbly there will be a shimmering stone from this time which can be held up to shine light into the darkness of small men’s hearts.
/3:22p+28Oct2018=sunday afternoon || the hum of laptop fan, clackityclack of the keyboard, the gentle breathing of Boo on the settee, and sunlight dappling through the leafs//
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| the clear blue sky above my head – eek! – aug ’18, hobbit house |
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| the clear blue sky… well. pretty, eh? – aug’18, durhamtown |
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| the clear .. ah what the hell. the skies are not necissarily clear and blue, if you haven’t noticed. aug’18 durhamtown |
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| below us only the entire world, hidden from our senses – aug ’18, chapelhilltown |
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| cloudy skies, blank walls, light traffic – au ’18, durhamtown |
What exactly is it that I want to write here?
What exactly is it that I think I have to write about?
“write every day, speak every week” – good advice, but with out a goal I tend to wander
So, it seems like the leadership of our country is not the sterling example of what makes america great, is it? woot rule of law and some such. What’s that? saving your own hide? sure, whatever makes the world a better place.
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| a place to be, pretty skies – aug ’18, durhamtown |
well shit.
from the show Banshee that’s eating my time the comment ‘do people really change? we evolve, trying to become better versions of ourselves, right?’ – that’s a good way of looking at things.
best of luck with our evolution, friends, family and passer-bys – at least the sky is blue from time to time.
Oh – Silencing Sam – that was a pretty good thing. so woot!
Ciao,
//1:36a+22Aug2018=early Wednesday morn || the howls of fans – but not in the good way//
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| why oh why won’t the universe give me a sign!!!???? – aug ’18, durhamtown |
begin. again.
Hi. How are you doing? Good I hope. You’re looking good – summer treating you well? Yeah – time away from the grind helps a lot.
Me? Oh, you know, the same ol’ same ol’…
For me that means I’m rinsing & repeating the process I’ve dedicated myself to for these past 16 months. Funny how easy it is to focus on another when they are helpless.
Tonight I watched as he used his very own hands to feed himself a baby-safe ‘mac’ n’ cheese’ concoction – Boo thinks there were rice puffs involved.What I took away from the event was that we both need to have an alternate clothing option lined up while he accomplishes his awesomeness. Perhaps I’ll start looking at ‘All-Hawaian All the Time’ wardrobe choices. He was kinda really happy about feeding himself – he used a spoon, then he used his hands. Oh the smile. Oh the mess.
||”Teardrop” by alexey nosov, guitar cover||
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| clouds float in, clouds float out – aug ’18, hobbit house |
so, why are we here? No, not the big ‘why do we exist?’ – the much more mundane ‘so, blogger, Scott’s words – are you living your best life?’
As good ms. Clare tells us – “Make Good Choices”
I have for as long as I recall believed I shouldn’t burden others.
the above – (where I’m essentially trying not to burden myself?) – perfect example.
Let us discuss pleasantries. Let us discuss something good – or at least as good as it is right now.
That kid, I tell ya.
He deserves a great life. He really does.
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| clouds float … oh my. oh my. aug ’18, durhamtown |
Boo & I currently watch YouTube videos from various “Makers” during our meal time at night. There’s a few we’ve enjoyed for a while – Alec Steele, he makes swords; Laura – she’s German and has a cute pup; Four Eyes – he makes furniture; The SlowMo guys – they break things.
The joy of a connected and “Big Data’d” world is that we get suggestions from The Algorithm – and that can certainly eat into your evening hours. Tonight post-pizza slices we were entertained by a metalworking gent from over Britain way (maybe Scotland?) who was making the DragonSlayer sword from some anime/manga world (as you do, you know) – his personality as presented was wonderfully different than Alec’s, or the pirate-dude metalworker. Two points here – a) always impressed with others who can be honest with themselves and others, and #2 – do I ever get close to that truth? I am just not sure – I believe I do, and I know I don’t (oh whatever is on Scott’s mind I doubt anyone wonders)… suspect it’s a facet of confidence that allows one to just be themselves. Minor concern is that I might not see who I show myself as. Hmmm…
Ok – piano covers are lovely. YouTube will give you a collection of not only Josh’s but all sorts of good and bad, lovely and horrible covers performed by the talented and untalented alike.
Will you do one thing for me? Take care of each other.
Be good to yourself. Be good to others.
ciao,
//9:27p+20Aug2018=Monday eve || Piano covers by Josh Cohen – Beck “Morning”, Bowie “Space Oddity”//
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| dawn’s … well, early isn’t it, really – layabout light, aug ’18, hobbithouse |
the beginning of honest acknowledgement that there are problems to be dealt with.
the beginning of ‘but it’s now, and the future. Nothing about before really truly matters’
the beginning of answering tough questions with brutally clear answers – what is it that I want.
the beginning of growth can be a beautiful thing.
how about you?
at what beginning point are you?
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| the beginning of the 21 Century, Boston, not sober, not drunk enough – ~Jan ’00 |
ha ha ha – I speak of beginnings, and dive way way back. funny how habits seem to keep you doing things you’d rather not.
There was an inquiry the other day about me and feeling joy.
I responded, in complete honest, “every day I start with a feeling of joy”
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| Ode to joy, and cheerios. Aug ’18, Hobbit House |
perhaps the tool I shall utilize more frequently will be the mindfulness instruction to ‘begin again’ – why is it I’ve learned to hold on so fucking tightly to the past? pretty sure there’s a song by the mountain goats that illustrates that habit in an awesome way…
“We show great loyalty to the hard times we’ve been through/ We are filled with riches and wonders/ Our love keeps the things it finds…”
+++
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trying to figure out how to count, how to maintain, is this 002? or 0002? or 2?
If only I could hear myself reassure me that “it doesn’t matter in the least”
Remember the other month when I shared the kindnesses that Ed & Jeff shared with not only myself but with durhamtown?
‘Take care of each other, ok?”
still good advice.
ciao,
//7:06p + 18Aug2018= Saturday evening || the howling fan of a MacBook Air doing some media encoding!!! (and the echoes of ‘Hook’, Blues Travelers studio recording, played to entertain the wee lad during the mushing hour)//
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| other-worldly coloration, but it looks sooooo soft – Aug ’18, durhamtown |
‘write every day. give a speech, make a podcast every week’ – hmmm… well that’s a good idea, eh?
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| bright beautiful western light, a play room with the best toy ever – a cardboard box! – aug ’18, hobbit house |
I have ideas. Have always had ideas – remember the converted semi that would go from town to town in rural Kentuky and – with some kinda magic – allow the kids to a) hear music from all over, and b) make a personalized compact disc!!! I blame UTK’s left of the dial station with introducing me to social d & hank rollins – and my sensible heart worried that there were people unable to have the awakening I had. things must be done! … sigh.
Ideas.
Dreams.
It is quite depressing, however, to pull my head out of the clouds, attack my daydreaming habits, and face the cruel reality that my choices haven’t placed me where I need to be.
I’m faced with what should be a terrifying cliff, a fall into the abyss, and all I seem capable of acting upon is my blather, my perusal of all the world has to show – not action, not planning to act, mere acknowledgement that there’s a problem. and I continue on my merry way.
I fear there might be a problem with that instinctual maneuvering. Wish me luck.
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| sometimes I think I have a skill / ability with taking photographs – most of the time I don’t – hobbit house, jul ’12 |
As the nights fly by, as I drag my attention from all those moments behind me, try to see what it is that I want to build – what I want from the future, I have pangs of hope.
//11:43p + 16Aug2018= thursday eve || of gardening hopes and dream, fueled by .white .hats, and the resonating echoes of an angel returned to heaven//
So, in my trek there was discussion that theoretically was in my sphere of knowledge – 4-wheel-drive vans. I am fairly sure I wasn’t as expressive as I could have been, but in my defense “sleep dep” can be fun, it can be futile.
Ok, B&C – this is what I meant to be discussing.
Sportsmobile vans are the ones I whang-jangled describing. I was correct – Ford Eco-line vans turned into off-road applicable chariots. Essentially Jeeps for families, kinda.
Here’s a picture –
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| (c) https://sportsmobile.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/van-smb-classic-4×4-cutaway-04.jpg – pardon my borrowing ::scott:: |
Of course then we spoke of a PA conversion company – found them here – Quigley which has the Ford Transit conversions I believe B. was speaking too – warranty honored and such.
A picture –
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| (c) http://www.quigley4x4.com/Portals/0/Images/Home%20Rotator%20Backgrounds/RedTransitHero.jpg?ver=2015-09-28-111451-033 – pardon my borrowing ::scott:: |
So, yes – you can get what you want. All it takes is money.
sportsmobile vans are availalbe for rent – here – with a $2500 weekly rate as of Aug 2018.
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| http://tontotrails.com/rates/ |
Also here – with specials that sound great, if you have the time and money.
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| http://www.campervannorthamerica.com/specials.shtml |
One last place – here – has these sort of rates –
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| https://checkout.wheelbasepro.com/reserve?owner_id=2180 |
And I even found the ‘previously loved’ page at Sportsmobile! – this is the Fresno site:
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| (c) https://sportsmobile.com/inventory/cars-for-sale/1998-ford-rb-e350-diesel-4×4/ – pardon my borrowing ::scott:: |
here’s where I mentioned that this avenue is ‘pricey’ – above is a 1998 ford diesel, 150+K miles, will sleep 4! – asking $45,000.
Quigley’s ad $~13K to up-grade a van to 4×4; with vans running ~45K new – tada! money well spent.
All of that said it is an option; this limited info was from a decent 45 mins of google-fu working off of my recollections and your hints.
I think for your upcoming voyage the F150 seems to suggest up to 20 city/25 highway; similar for the Tacoma; a Transit 150 runs 15/19!! (well, it is a cube) – the web says your ToyVan should be about 20 combined, so…
Wish I was more successful in the ‘there’s got to be a Unicorn setup company here somewhere’ – but I didn’t stumble upon it.
huh – poked the chevy colorado (Tacoma competitor) and it claims 20+/ up to 35 highway!! I know they have a diesel in the mix (Toyota doesn’t) so there’s that.
Okie dokie – here’s to dreams and the pursuit of them!
ciao,
:: s :: | Respice ad diem hanc |
//9:42p + 2 Aug 2018 = Thursday eve | the whirring, clicking, spinning and clacking of neurons in full repast!//